Clingy/needy isn't attractive. I get it now. No one can do this except Goldey. Of course, a little help never hurt. The men who are helping are not law enforcement, and since they are people I care about, I'll not put them in harm's way. If I get to court in time, that's fine...if not...it's just stuff. He is, however, intimidated by my sister. She's on her way to Portland. And she is my bestest friend in the world. When she is around, I feel safe, and strong. Thanks for the prayers, all, especially those for my foot and for Bears #1, #2, and #3. I miss them, a lot. I'll be dark, lurking here and there both here and in the alt...but I'm in very good hands. love, Goldey
When I was in El Paso, I was there alone. The only reason I was there was because SG was there.
When I came back to NY, my healing began because I was surrounded by people who truly love and care for me. My best friend and soul sister listened to me patiently sob on the phone last night, told me she understood, and although the concept of my loving a man who could hurt me so much is beyond her, said that I needed to do what was best for me. That I deserved better.
Goldey dear, yes the majority of it we must do ourselves. But rely on people who love and care for you, genuinely. They will be a life line. They will be the ones to help you heal, keep you strong, hold you when you are weak.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Thank you Lola, for your kind words. I finally figured out the lifeline thing. It was actually Coach who suggested adding Skype, so I can "see" my sister whenever I want to. I've been calling her every day, begging her to come down this weekend. I have a little local support. Working my 12-step program, CODA (Co-Dependents Anon). My sponsor had a family emergency, but there's plenty of help to back that up. Although I am paying them, the people here at the hotel are simply wonderful. They've sorta adopted me. I feel like Paris Hilton, only much smarter.
I have a bunch of support across the country. Learning how to communicate more effectively, with the strong people. I feel it. The growth. The stretch. The happiness. p.s. Sending virtual hugs to those in need.
Last edited by goldeylox; 01/20/1002:17 PM. Reason: hugs
Goldey, enjoy the hotel while you can! I have relocated several times for H's job and each time we got to/had to say in a hotel while we house-hunted. I loved it! Having someone else clean for you, cook breakfast for you, no yard to take care of, it was awesome!
Good idea checking craigslist for free stuff. Hadn't thought of that!
Take care of yourself today... (and every day of course!)
Today I received a disturbing phone call, and while it startled me at first, I quickly recovered. I was able to talk myself of the ledge, all by myself! Wow!
Remember what worked. What can you improve?
Quote:
He is, however, intimidated by my sister.
What does she do that intimidates him? How does she act/project herself?
Keep taking care of yourself. You are worth it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ah Coach...how nice to see you. As I read that back, I realize I did not state how strong my reaction was to the information in the phone call, from S16's therapist. I really freaked out, and spent a good 5 minutes working myself into a frenzy. Then I called a fellow 12-stepper and left him a message. While I waited, I was able to calm down, and he called back within an hour or so. But here's what he taught me to do. I don't remember the name of the technique: Recognize the 'flight or flight' response, and redirect my attention on something else. For me, I'm visual, and since I always have my right pinky with me, I actually held my hand in front of my face and stared at that pinky. Breathe. Breathe again. The person I was talking to had not heard of ABCDE, but I did remember it, and tried it, too. Little hard when you're having full blown panic. This might sound wierd, but I also press on the back of my neck (near the area of the brain that has been triggered, I think) and give a little massage. Works for me. To improve, just practice until it becomes a regular behavior. And avoid the trigger...the man I married. Just the mention of his name irritates me. This too shall pass.
I am so proud of you! You are a very strong woman, going through a kind of hell that no one should have too. You are coming through this with style and grace, and you are absolutely right that this shall pass.
You are doing the work, Goldey...and doing it with most excellence!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
