Quote: When you and your H started getting serious about getting back together, was he hesitant about saying he wanted to come home?
The answer to that is ABSOLUTELY. When the subject was first broached (by me of course) when he appeared to REALLY be coming out of the tunnel in late summer, he said quite matter of factly that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to do that considering all he'd done
My H is showing signs of coming out of the tunnel, but who knows how long before he does!
Quote:
Quote: What can I do to make him want to live with me again?? How did your H get to that point?
I think just making him 'feel safe' My H made the decision to come home as a result of a few months of us "dating" his over night visits, our reconnecting as 'friends' and our growing feeling of 'safety' between us. We had BOTH 'calmed down'...every moment together had stopped being a nervous encounter and had become 'normal' again in many ways. I give myself ALL the credit for getting us to that place because I CHANGED the way I handled everything, including our R talks.
Ok we went on a double date, does that count. I don't know, I'm in a terrible place right now, doubts are coming in too fast for me! I started to feel better and now I'm down to the bottom again!
Quote: Believe ME, your H is more worried that YOU'LL never really forgive or forget than anything else. My H still worries. He just told me last weekend that he misses knowing I can't trust him and he prays that someday I will. It really does kill him that I fear his betraying me again because in HIS MIND he knows he never will but he also knows that I DON'T believe that and it's hard for him to face the reality of that.
The way to get them home is to stop making his coming home the BIG deal. The pressure of that decision is what keeps them from making it. The fear of failing at reconciliation keeps them from making it. BUT they will, once they see that we are at a point that our entire lives together won't revolve around the horrible thing they've done. It's really a BIG chance they take in coming home...they are MORE afraid of failing than WE are.
I hope this is true!
Miss my buddy and need a 2 x 4 right now!
Hope you are enjoying your vacation, waiting to hear how it went. I hope you had a chance to bond even more!
