Thanks again Gardner...He is not married...do not know how his mom would take to knowing her son is in an affair with a married woman though...yeah I guess I could tell everybody...seems to be the one thing she has been very vehement about is please do not let our mutual friends know what she is doing...of course she tries to turn it around by saying she has not told anyone my part in this but you know what. I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT and it is NO SKIN OFF MY BACK!!! I will check out those posts tonight. Thanks again...
Also anyone else have good ideas on busting an affair that has done it or has knowledge of it please post either here or under my infidelity thread. It is called need help...
Also does let everyone know mean her parents too? I know her dad already wants her to work things out because she has run back to them in the past to be dependent on them though this was before we met...
What exactly is "cake eating"...is that as in "having ones cake and eating it too"?
I'm relatively new at this having only joined the board the other day and my situation is slightly different from yours HFH. However it seems that if your spouse is hurting you with the other person and that same spouse knows its wrong and is therefore asking you to keep it quiet, telling everyone before she can put her spin on it might be the best thing.
Well she approached me on Facebook chat tonight trying to find out what I am up to when she expects me to stay out of her personal life...I told her and she did not believe me...then I get this HUGE speal about how she resents me because our mutual friends have supposedly chosen my side over hers because I recieved a status comment and she did not.She says that she KNOWS me and it pisses her off that no one else knows me but they all love me...Then she said that's ok because she is seeing people for what they are and is working through that. At that point she logged off of chat.I am starting to actually be a little concerned because all she does is get onto myspace, tagged, facebook, and wherever. She distorts herself to get attention and she actually is speaking as if these sites are real life for her and everyone else. PLease help. Is this typical WAW script or is there seriously soemthing wrong with her. It is like she is living in a made up fantasy world and if that is the case no wonder she has an EA on the internet. Also I think she is going to tell me that she will be moving out to her parents by next month so she can spend Valentines Day with EA...I am really worried something is mentally wrong with her now...ADvice PLEASE!!
It is like she is living in a made up fantasy world and if that is the case no wonder she has an EA on the internet.
That is EXACTLY what she is doing. Its affectionately known as the Fog and for those engaging in an EA or PA its pretty thick. The internet is a great place for her to be because there she can be whoever/whatever she wants and can feel free to rewrite history to suit her current need. Its pretty common. It helps them justify their actions and everything is ALWAYS better in LALA-Land. Sorry you find yourself here.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
So what do I do with this? How do I handle it and is there any way to help lift the FOG? Also I think she is pretty intent on trying to go to her parents should I speak with her father after I gather my intel about EA? How should I act...She. makes a BIG deal on making sure that I act like I will be her best friend but then she is VERY cruel at the same time. Do I just keep doping what I have been and planned on?
Ok now I am really confused...She called twice...I did not pick up but waited to call her when I was ready...When we spoke she brought up the e-mail and explained that the reason she was upset is because she feels I pursue those friendships and she feels they do not care about her. She also told me some things she would like for me to say when I do not want to discuss something with her because she gets angry if I give her a vague answer which really has been one of my problems in the past. She then said she is ok with being "roommates" until the lease is up in July as long as we do not go through the big issues we had when she said she wanted to separate or divroce ( this was the usual crying, begging, I don't want to go on crap that I really am over). After that she told me that she really doers not know what to think about me and that she doesn't know me anymore...She said she is uncomfortable if I speak to any females online even mutual friends and that to her it appears as if I am being a hypocrite and she wants consistency in EVERYTHING. Then she said even though I do not know you I do not want the old you back and that she just does not know how to go about relating to me or getting to know me because apparently I am not the person she thought I was. She then said she would be watching me to see if anything REALLY changed but even that probably will not change her mind because of her current resentments toward me and her feelings for OM.
When she spoke I just listened to her, validated her feelings, and told her I am having to be me. I then told her I respect her thoughts and her feelings and we would discuss our boundaries after I am home and she said ok. Then she tried to draw me into a conversation about our fitness programs...Shortly after this point I ended the conversation telling her I had to work and thanked her for her thoughts and time ( this really threw her for a loop)
So I guess please read over the last few posts and let me know what you think and any input or advice...
Also she definitely is showing signs of wanting to talk about regular stuff...as well as saying she wants to talk about whether or not I should really be coming home on Friday evening...
