What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Sleepy]

Hello all,

This will most likely be my last post on this thread on this forum. I have reason to believe that my W has discovered it. First of all, I would like to thank all of you for your concern and help. This forum has made me a stronger man and has given me strength to deal with all of this. I will continue to throw support back for all of you on your sitches.

Yesterday, I had to call in sick to work. I am in protection mode now. I left at 6:30 for work as usual, hung around at Starbucks, then I waited until 8 and then called some lawyers offices. I made appointments, met with them, and found one that I liked.

When the bank opened at 9 I went to open a new account. I had just transferred the money that contains my pay into that account when my W sits down beside me, yes, at the bank. I guess she was thinking the same thing. I think she was coming in for the $2500 for her lawyers retainer fee. It was awkward for the bank officer but it was done. She was upset.

I don’t think anything is wrong with this. She has betrayed my trust. I will continue to pay the bills but I will deposit money into the joint account for that purpose. I see nothing underhanded with this, I was protecting our assets which I didn’t want spent on some mousey “peaceful divorce attorney”. She put it on the credit card instead.

I have been exchanging phone calls with the OM W. This is a blessing for me. She has him going to counseling now. She tells me that he loves his kids and I don’t think he is going to give his marriage up for all of this. They have had a happy marriage up until now.

My W met with her lawyer yesterday. Her lawyer doesn’t “serve papers” she just works on a divorce where both parties agree. Well, I told her that I don’t agree. So my W spent $2500.00 to go to this lady to put together a divorce for one person. I wont go. I liken it to me going to marriage counseling by myself and her feelings about going there. We are both on opposite ends of the spectrum. Once the WAW fog lifts, maybe she will see the right thing to do for our family and our kids.

My father in law came down last night to talk to her. She feels betrayed by me for confiding in him and letting him know what happened in detail. I suppose he is the wrong guy to tell those things to, but I have been in a panic and you don’t think much in panic, you react. He felt it was necessary to intervene. I told him that we can say all we want, but in the end she must make the choice. There is nothing that we can do or say to change her mind. It’s all in God’s hands.

After they left my W tried to manipulate me again. She tryed to make me feel guilty about what happened. I didn’t buy it, but listened to her. She can’t see how I could ever love her or trust her again, but I don’t think she really understands what “real love” is. I mentioned the parable of the prodigal son (this says it all) to her then gave her a big hug. She said “don’t touch me”. I think she feels that she is not worthy of my love, she might feel dirty. Sure she has betrayed me and she has strayed from the Lord’s ways but I think she can get back on track. She just needs to accept spirituality back into her life.

I am tired of playing these counter-intuitive games. I have been vacillating between telling her I that want the divorce and I don’t, when in reality I don’t and never ever have. She is confused and I understand how she can feel that way.

I am sticking with my plan of unconditional love. That doesn’t mean pursuing, it means not being cruel or mean. It means showing her how I really feel no matter how poorly she treats me. It means forgiving her for her sin and moving forward toward a better life for us all. I envision a marriage stronger than ever, one in which both of us show and demonstrate “real love” for one another, doing things together, enjoying each others company, giving of ourselves to make the other feel happy. I see us renewing our vows in the future in the church. I see our children at our sides looking up at us with smiles as big as the grand canyon and their eyes are smiling too. She may think I am living in a fantasy world, but it doesn’t hurt to dream. A man is nothing without his dreams.

She is in a lot of turmoil right now and I want to be there for her to support her through it. No more games. No more darkness. The A has been busted. The worst is over. It’s damage control now.

I think she feels that she can run away from all of this with a divorce. She will never be able to run away from it. I am going to be popping up in her life forever. I feel the pain will only get worse for her and I will do my best to prevent that from happening. I’m in this for the long haul and I made a covenant before God to love her forever and always until death do us part. I think it’s best to just put the pain behind us and work on the future. The past is the past we can’t change that. I just hope that God will help her see this.

Well, that’s it for me here. I will stick around, but I want to thank you all for all your support and help.

Best,

Tridoc