Next steps

[flowmom]

I do have to be careful about "overdoing it." It's frustrating--all the threads advise looking SOOO great when you meet up--waxed, polished, hair, etc...but here in the Great North where I live, you are dressed up if you are wearing your new Carhartts with your new Sorells! so just a little bit of dressing up goes a looong way.

<nodding> I live in Canada too and where I live "dressing down" is the norm. Dressing up without looking like you're trying too hard can actually be pretty tricky. I'm focusing on my hair (taking care in styling it), wearing natural-looking makeup every day (don't normally), and making sure my casual momwear is on the attractive side. A critical girlfriend can be gold when it comes to getting feedback on your look. I know my sister doesn't pull any punches when it comes to my outfits and she would let me know if an outfit wasn't "me". Accessories can be a great way to pull off the "not trying too hard" look. Well-fitting jeans and a t-shirt can look really sassy with the right boots and jewelry or scarf, for example. Anyway, here I am giving fashion advice when I don't have any business doing so (as you'd know if you knew me in real life ). I wasn't trying to discourage you from buying or wearing the blouse...just make sure that it feels like you.

[avermont]

Well, here is a sign of making progress:

I now have the silly bi**h's debit card!

You will all remember how I came home one night some months ago and had a letter from the bank addressed to the OW to my house.

I got sloppy drunk, wept, wailed, posted on this board. I was devastated.

I just got home now. Was in a pretty good mood, until I threw a snowball at the house, just for fun. Then I started thinking about how we had the house painted last summer...joking with the painter in the morning, being proud of making this good investment in our home, standing staunchly by our mutual decision that pink IS a good color for the house...and all the while he was sc*%^ing her.

I got angry and was calling him names as I reached to get the mail.

And there, oh friends, was another letter to her from the bank. With her debit card in it.

Aw, gee, it seems her current card will expire on 2/15. She better buy him those Valentine's presents now!

I can activate the card at any time just by calling that 1-800 #. Seems I could get more than just a blouse in the next 24 hours if I wanted!

Now, no, I wouldn't really steal a credit card number. Don't need to add jail to my troubles.

And I think I will follow the advice this wise board gave last time: just put it in the mail with: not at this address.

But I think I will wait until after 2/15 to do so...

And I while I am upset, I only wailed a few minutes. I am upset, but I am ANGRY this time. And on the whole, I'm pretty calm.

So is that progress, or what!

Two pieces of advice needed:

do I write: DECEASED. RETURN TO SENDER on the envelope?

do I email him: please tell OW I do not expect to receive any more mail addressed to her.

But that will give her the head's up to go looking for her debit card...and I'd rather she was a bit inconvenienced for a few days.

What say?

[avermont]

No, I appreciate that you are in the same fashion world as I am!

Believe me, just having jeans and a t-shirt that fit snugly is a big change for me. I always wore my clothes too big. When I wear a color other than black (sorry, I wear a lot of black--it's a good color on me, it's my native NYer) people comment on it!

I was picturing a yoga-style spandexy-wrap thing, with a V-neck, in red (also a good color for me) I am always uncomfortable in anything other than a crew neck, and X was always encouraging me to be comfortable in something clingy and at least a little lower cut.

I am more comfortable now with tighter fitting things, but have to work on wearing other necklines!

And I love the look of a skirt, tights, and Ugg boots. What do the men say to that look?? Men?

[avermont]

And, flowmom, I have to bow down to you in admiration that so soon after your Bomb you are together enough to hand out fashion advice.

You are truly amazing!

Thank you!

[chatterbug]

NOT AT THIS ADDRESS.

Thats it...

Well Native NY'r and fellow canuck. Embrace the cold I say. Paint the house pink. What are you living in a small town in Nova Scotia or on the rock ???



P.S. Jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt. Name me one guy that does not like that. Just one.

[avermont]

OK, I'll skip the DECEASED part.

And I didn't mean to falsely claim to be part of the great country of Oh Canada. I am a proud resident of the Great Republic of Vermont. Close enough, no? Except for the health care part, sigh.

Jeans and tight t-shirt? is that all I gotta do?

and for the men--faded, well-fitting jeans and a white button down. Black casual slip on shoes. Does it for me every time.

[newmama]

Hi Avermont,
good tip to not get overdressy; I have been doing the same but of course I have regular contact (believe me, it doesn't hurt any less ). Cutter and I disagree about the bill paying but I'd take his advice on how to dress! And on buying new clothes if you feel like it! And being civil about change in address thing.

[chatterbug]

Aver I have been meaning to ask. What is your version of a sloppy drunk ?

Not to poke fun at yea.... Well maybe a little

[avermont]

Sloppy drunk--if I remember the Night of the First Letter--which would be amazing if I did---tears all over the place. Stubbed my toe and bleeding all over the place. Sloppy enough for ya?

[avermont]

Another next step taken and conquered:

One of the things X said the Night of the Bad Bill Paying ('you won! I wanted to be in the house!) was wondering why I would want to be in the house.

It is big, it is old, we have 2 tenants--lots of stuff to deal with. And he has carpentry, heating, plumbing skills.

Well, today the tenant in the other half of the house calls: no heat!

Fortunately work was such that I could drive right to the house.

Went down the scary, spidery, basement. Cleared away the spiderwebs from the boiler; followed the RESET directions. Didn't work.

Called the heating guy. He came right over. Fixed this and fixed that. Definately things that X would have had to call the pros in for.

Of course heating guy (who has known us for years) says, oh, is X out of town?

"X is with his new girlfriend. He decided in August that he wanted a younger woman. So off he went."

"oh. er, ummm, sorry to hear that."

"S'ok. Be sure to address the bill in my name so it comes to t his house."

Heat works. Billing arranged. Another member of the community, whom X respects, now knows what sort of guy X really is.

All within 2 hours.

Take that!