so SHE has the same problem? She's looking for work too? Not to quibble but you always said this job was temporary and I thought it was to end in December, so I'm not clear on the shock factor here or the "out of the blue" comment. But anyhow as you said, she's in the same boat, so she's probably not feeling too financially secure either?
A problem being worked on, is not a problem anymore. You're job hunting now, more vigorously....that's good. Like you said, you needed a real kick in the butt to get going and now you have it. IF you can meet your obligations, why would she need to know? For all you know, she's looking for a job she thinks you might be looking at. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids and don't get blindsided again.
SO yeah, this is now, and you are doing what you gotta do. Do you have any savings?
If not, I guess a few weeks/months of unemployment is in order but be careful what you choose in terms of those leases...did you already sign that lease? See if there's a clause to cancel before moving in...then see if you can extend at the cheaper place, and save by not paying a mover...just keep costs low for now...very low. For now. This too, shall pass.
Really, Since you didn't like the old job anyhow and it was temporary too, you actually are making needed improvements to your life. I hope you see that inaction leads to crap sometimes. The very thing you fear, you can bring about by letting fear control you. I think CG was making that point, among others. And given your financial sitch, who knows? Splitting finances might have been a better move. Of course faithful is entitled to his opinion and is a great guy- but you two are not in the same boat financially for sure. No matter. You're moving along now...keep going. NO choice.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
K4, when you say you had a contract, were you a W2 employee or a 1099? Were you an "independent contractor?" Were payroll and FICA taxes taken out of all your checks?
If the project ended...are you sure you qualify for unemployment? Double check okay? I'm not in IT, God knows. But I got let go of an independent contractor job before, and got NO benefits, a few years back when the project was finished. Kind of sucked but the pay was originally good enough to say yes. And I never looked into unemployment (my issue) but was told in passing I would not qualify. Maybe you mean "project" when you say contract and not "contractor" which is a legal/tax term for my purposes here.
Just asking...& hoping you get something you like MORE.
This may be a blessing in disguise and it'll help YOU to look at it as such. Seriously. Put out positive energy into the world and not desparation....you have had better jobs than you're leaving, right? Okay, say only good things about the other jobs and how happy you are to be looking to take on more responsibility and learn more and blah blah blah =you're a great IT guy...etc.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I will pay my bills KerryK. But I don't think there is any reason she needs to know this right now. If I can line something up before she needs to know, it will be better I think.
I don't need to give her one more reason to doubt me. Lord knows she holds enough reasons to not come back against me.
Kevin
sorry for butting in... but you are still trying to reconcile this relationship, yet will lie, hide or keep things secret as you see fit? It is because of behaviors like that in which people find themselves on this board in the first place, Remember. food for thought.
Kevin this may be a situation where you are forced to do what is best for you and your girls now independent of the W! May be a great opportunity to exercise those independent legs!
I really hope the job hunt goes well for you and you find something even better than before!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
so SHE has the same problem? She's looking for work too? Not to quibble but you always said this job was temporary and I thought it was to end in December, so I'm not clear on the shock factor here or the "out of the blue" comment. But anyhow as you said, she's in the same boat, so she's probably not feeling too financially secure either?
My W is starting to have offers coming her way. She will be fine. My job was not supposed to end in December. I don’t think W is feeling to insecure.
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Do you have any savings?
Yes, I will have a total of about 10k to pull from if need be.
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did you already sign that lease? See if there's a clause to cancel before moving in...then see if you can extend at the cheaper place, and save by not paying a mover...just keep costs low for now...very low.
I just signed my new lease a week and a half ago. I didn’t move. I am still in the same apartment until this summer.
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K4, when you say you had a contract, were you a W2 employee or a 1099? Were you an "independent contractor?" Were payroll and FICA taxes taken out of all your checks?
It is a W2 contract through a temp agency. My understanding is that I can collect unemployment in this case.
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Just asking...& hoping you get something you like MORE.
Thank you. I am doing my best.
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This may be a blessing in disguise and it'll help YOU to look at it as such. Seriously. Put out positive energy into the world and not desparation....you have had better jobs than you're leaving, right?
Right. By far this was the least enjoyable job I have had in 12 years. It is also the first I have been let go from in 12 years.
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Okay, say only good things about the other jobs and how happy you are to be looking to take on more responsibility and learn more and blah blah blah =you're a great IT guy...etc.
I will. Thanks 25.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
sorry for butting in... but you are still trying to reconcile this relationship, yet will lie, hide or keep things secret as you see fit?
I am merely not providing information that is not needed right now. It doesn't affect her. I am handling it. I will pay my portion of the bills. I don't see why she needs to know anything further especially when career stability is an issue of hers even though I was always stable before any of this ever happened.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin this may be a situation where you are forced to do what is best for you and your girls now independent of the W! May be a great opportunity to exercise those independent legs!
I really hope the job hunt goes well for you and you find something even better than before!
Thanks SO2. I think I will find something better. That is my goal to get a real career now and do a job I enjoy. I just wasn't happy in this position for a few reasons so I am choosing to look at this as a blessing. I am not sad to be leaving. Last night I was actually excited about the prospect of finding something better that I will enjoy far more than what I did here.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I don't see why she needs to know anything further especially when career stability is an issue of hers even though I was always stable before any of this ever happened.
I think its call HONESTY. Its something that successful marriages thrive on. People who are sneaky and lie and hide things are usually considered untrustworthy. Something else that you rely on in your marital partner is being able to TRUST them.
I don't see much difference in this then your wife hiding her man friend. You lie. She lies. You hide. She hides. You have secrets. She has secrets. And you want to reconcile?
At what point do you flip back on the integrity switch?
I think its call HONESTY. Its something that successful marriages thrive on. People who are sneaky and lie and hide things are usually considered untrustworthy. Something else that you rely on in your marital partner is being able to TRUST them.
I don't see much difference in this then your wife hiding her man friend. You lie. She lies. You hide. She hides. You have secrets. She has secrets. And you want to reconcile?
At what point do you flip back on the integrity switch?
SM, I would normally not think anything of it. But because she made such an issue of career stability, this won't look good in her eyes. I don't see how being honest about this situation helps my sitch out given her feelings on it.
What am I gaining by reconfirming to her that my job is not stable?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I don't think anybody was suggesting K lie to his W about his job situation. I *think* (?) the suggestions were for K to handle this big life issue on his own w/o his W UNLESS he is unable to meet the obligations he has with finances/custody.
Just a month ago K was calling his W asking how to contact roadside service for the car. This is a big 180 for him and that is a good thing! And it *is* for HIM, not his W.
There is all kinds of advice on this site and that is a blessing. I think in some ways we can all relate to one another. That being said EVERYBODY here has different circumstances. We ALL want to really follow the advice of people who are in a better place than us and we certainly can learn some great stuff even if it doesn't apply to our lives directly. I am sure it is very easy for somebody with a very high income, considerable assets (this is a generic person, btw, not a real person!) and a very stable financial situation to suggest how to handle finances during a divorce. And that is great, we can all learn! But if the person following the advice to a "t" doesn't have high income, assets and all the same particulars most of it is just theory (and maybe a GREAT theory) but not feasible for real life.
