Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Update:

Had small interaction with W about S15. She told me he got in trouble at school-back talking a teacher-asked me what to do about it. I merely said that she was the adult there, and that I was sure she could make an assessment, and handle the situation. She did NOT like that. But that was that. Also have e-mail traffic-kept for L.

Talk went towards R/M a little. W states - out of the blue - she is unable to decide what she wants to do. (Wait a minute, didn't YOU file for D?) I told W that since she was unable to make a decision, that I have made mine. I told her I wanted the Divorce. She said I was pressuring her, blah, blah, blah - she hung up.

I mean this from the broken abyss of my heart: I am done. I quit. I will no longer allow myself to wander the aisles of Limboland. THAT store is closed. I've made my decision.

I will continue to work on myself-Lord knows I need to. But as far as my M, I just don't have the energy or desire to pursue an unfulfilling outcome.

It's like a stick of gum. After you chew it awhile, it loses it's flavor, doesn't taste so good, and then you spit it out.

Well, I'm spitting it out.

I have read and re-read many sitch's the last few days-in particular RobX, and Gnosis. What I finally realized is this:
The age I am at-half my life is over. I don't want to spend the last half dying. I want to spend it LIVING.

I want to love someone, and be loved. I want to trust again. I want to make love without consequences/expectations. I want to walk around in regular shoes-not the ones that don't crush egg shells that they sell in Limboland. I want to LIVE.

It will continue to be a tough battle -especially in the deep, dark, abyss that is my mind, but I know what I must do.