A LOT has happened since my last post. We've been talking more, mostly with her initiating it. I got a cell plan with text/internet, which has been fantastic. Bought it so that I could just send quick info instead of calling her, and it's been working in my favor. She contacts me everyday, and I'm able to take my time with responses, think about what I want to say, or just ignore and let her pursue. One night she was out too late after bowling and was texting me asking if she could come over. Said she wanted to be by me. It felt great to read that. She never came over though. I didn't have my hopes up. I knew the OM was out of town for work, so it probably wouldn't have happened if he was home. But that's much better than a few months ago when she didn't want me at all, so it's a positive to me.
We've been getting along pretty well. Doing a lot of family things together. Trick or treating on Halloween, went to Mall of America for our son's birthday (spent the entire day together 8am - mid, and we had a blast!), went shopping together, etc. I've been doing my best to just be me, not ask any R questions during our time together, just be a great dad. She's been so much better to be around the last few weeks, finally acting like the woman I fell in love with (imagine I'm doing the same). Gotta keep in mind to let everything go slowly, no pushing. We've been taking a lot of babysteps forward, and I'm ok with that.
I believe one of our steps forward came from me sending a fb letter to her mother. It was a goodbye letter, very polite, nothing negative against them or WAW. I had asked her mother not to tell WAW, but she did, (yeah I know, I was drinking) and it started an email conversation with my wife a few days later. There was some difficult affair talk during that (started by her), but it was mainly positive.
I'm kinda rambling, but there's just so much that's happened, and I needed to get it out somewhere. Gotta remember to keep it slow, and don't expect anything.
Been a few months since my last post. Had to take a break from this site for a while. This will probably be a novel.
Well, we did eventually become facebook friends, and that did help. We were connecting a little more, mainly thru pics of our kids. But she's posts stupid nonsense that would always make me wonder wtf she's doing or thinking. Talks before she thinks type of person.
She agreed to marriage counseling, it was free thru EAP so that was a selling point for her. I didn't push it, just made the suggestion and she accepted. First appointment was early November.
She claimed the affair had been over for about a month but I found out thru others that he didn't think it was over until the day of our first appointment. (found out thru a fb friend of his) All of his stuff that I know of has been removed from the house, and she has blocked his fb, email, and cell number. (I was able to verify on her cell phone, and she had even defriended his family members on facebook) This is great, but she currently thinks it's okay to be friends with him. That it's okay to be at the same bar and sit near each other. I haven't seen his truck at her house in months, so that's positive.
Holidays came and went, with a little progress. Didn't spend any of them together, or much at all thru November/December. We've had two MC appointments together, and one each separately. Not going to go into detail now, but we have a long road to go. She is having trouble of letting go what was making our marriage so miserable for her, and I'm not able to forgive the lying and deceit until she asks for it. (still get the vibe from her that I deserved it).
Fast forward to about the previous weekend. She had the kids, and I was at work all weekend (hate swing shift!). Monday morning she drops the kids off by me and leaves. I asked them how their weekend went, and if they had fun (the usual small kids questions), and like a dumb@ss I had asked if they had seen the OM at the bar with mommy during the playoff game (I knew she'd be there for the playoff game, and it's a place that he frequents, also one of my big issues with her taking the kids to a bar!!!) They had seen him, and he even took them for a snowmobile ride. I was furious. I put up a good front for the kids, and let it go the best I could. I didn't mention it to her because she would accuse me of being controlling.
Tuesday comes around, and D5 has an after school event. WAW, S4 and I all go together to pick her, and then go out for supper. Night went well. We get back to my apartment and when I'm going thru my daughter's homework I find a picture of guess what? A snowmobile and she's written that she went on a snowmobile ride with OM. I gave it to my wife and told her she could have it. She chuckled a little bit, and that was it from her. I was stewing inside, but just kind of ignored her till she said goodbye to the kids. After the kids went to bed, I made another mistake. I posted a comment on fb asking if there was a difference between a bad person, and a good person who keeps making bad choices. Shouldn't have done that. Let my emotions get to me. The next morning, she texted me saying she defriended me and blocked me on fb, and that she doesn't need to read my posts anymore. I passed it off as being about something else, but it's done. (I'm actually happy that we aren't fb friends now) She did unblock me later in the day. But I'm leaving it alone for now.
I've reverted back to no contact unless necessary. Only takes her a day or two before she starts texting me about silly things. I have to hold out longer this time though.
oh yeah, how could I forget, she asked me what I thought about being fwb!!! I was open to it at first, but its just not a good idea. It would be one thing if all contact with OM had ceased, but as long as she's friends with him, I'm not with her. Gotta keep strong with that boundry.
