I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[MarkG]

Also talia did you read up on BPD (borderline personality disorder)? Not that you or I could diagnose him, but what's your take on it? My W's BPD has been pointed out by my D's counselor and my phsych teacher, but never diagnosed. She has been diagnosed bipolar, which is also probably true, and is on meds for that. They seem to be working for the mood swings, but the IC is going slow as far as I can tell. IC, specifically cognitive therapy, is the treatment for BPD. Here are some classic signs I've seen in my W:

valuation/devaluation - the I love you/I hate you cycle - love seems conditional based on minute-by-minute what's happening in conversation or situations

black & white thinking - no mediums or compromises - "I want to go to A" "I want to go to B" "How about we go to A 1st, I'll cut my time short, and we'll go to B the rest of the night" "How bout we just do whatever you want cuz it's always about what you want" "Fine we'll just go to B" "No, you already made up your mind"

covering up relationships with outwardly more intense relationships - picking up the next relationship where the last one "should have left off" even though the relationship is new (why my W has been engaged since less than a month after our separation to someone she met online 3 days before our separation)

intense anger
"you don't love me"
unstable relationships
coping with problems through alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling


It doesn't have to be that extreme either, but generally the low self-esteem, black & white thinking, devaluation of relationships, thinking loved ones don't care, and intense mood swings sum up the more noticable symptoms. Other weird statistics - over 70% of people with BPD reported childhood abuse; genetics is also thought to be linked; commonly occurs with addiction, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I see a lot of that from what you post on here about your H. I'm not trying to diagnose, just something you might want to look at closer because if mental disorders go untreated there is little hope for R, MC, M, or anything that follows.