Here's what happened. A day after having the phone conversation, I got an e-mail from her. In the letter, she indicated again some of the things she was concerned about and the things she wanted to see change. She also told me that she felt I didn't fight for her or the marriage and that I shoud just get over what she did.
I responded by laying out what I did to save the marriage, including chatting with people here. I also mentioned why the affair was so important and why it had to be stopped as part of the process. I told her that it is not possible to "get over" a betrayal of that magnitude but it was possible to move past it. That would include certain changes from her as well, including, most importantly, an acknowledgement of the wrongness of the transgression, for starters. I also noted how her behavior for the past few months is motivated mostly by fear. I said that if she was willing to make those changes, I would consider a reconciliation, and even invited her up to my new apartment that weekend.
Surprisingly, she accepted the offer and came up. We didn't do much, just hung out, went to stores and to dinner, but it was a start. An opportunity to get to know each other again and learn a few things about ourselves and each other, and to gauge our interest in pursuing things.
For me, I noticed that I was quite nervous before she came, trying hard as a I was to show that I've changed and hoping to impress her. While that is cute in some ways, it's a little stressful for me. What was more bothersome was the complete lack of sexual interest I had in her. I really didn't want to be that affectionate towards her. I'm not sure if that's just because of everything that's happened, fear of rejection, or my own concerns about her. We did kiss a few times, but there was nothing particularly passionate about it. I will say this, she was only there for 12 hours. The thing I didn't like was my own reaction to anytime a communication came in via her phone. Since there's no trust, I cannot say who it was that would send a particular text or e-mail. I was very cognizant and leary of that while she was there. While I don't think the OM contacted her, I can't be certain. I didn't go through her phone, although I thought about it.
The only bit of hilarity or comedy if you will was the fact that when her mother called, she told me to be quiet. It appeared as though she didn't tell her what she was doing and wasn't going to. So apparently she was cheating on her mother with her husband. Not really sure whether to laugh, pity, or revel in her sticking it to her mother. I guess I'll take all three.
As for some of the other things you mentioned, she has a tendency to misquote our therapist, so I'm inclined to give her a freebie. As for the other people interested, they are more of a reassurance than actual options. They serve two purposes. One is simply to give me people to talk to and hang out with, I really don't have any intentions to date any of them. Secondly, by showing some interest (even if I don't feel the same way), they help restore my sense of worth. A nice way of saying that they are an ego boost. Don't get me wrong, I'm not leading any of them on, that would be wrong. But I do enjoy the conversation.
Not sure what the next step ought to be. Won't see her again until some times around Valentine's Day I would imagine. I am willing to see our old therapist (the one she misquoted) if she goes with me and see what the next step can be. Time will tell.