Well-I'm not a WAW, but since you and I seem to be the only ones not getting any responses, and since my wife has done it 3 times and I have some experience with it, I'll take a shot at it.

The first time was 15 years ago and my wife quickly got into a PA. It was many years later she would talk about it with me even though we got back together about 4 months later.

At the time she was oblivious to anything around her but HER happiness. Her religious convictions, the pain she was causing, even her kids were neglected to get her "high" with the OM.

I had not met her needs emotionally, and he did. He was very skilled at "pretending" he was interested in her, when she eventually found out he was only really interested in one thing. She thought she was "in love". At that time she came back to be a mother, but has never really wanted to be a wife. She has left twice since then and moved first to another town, and this time just a few blocks away. Her big dissapointment seems to be in not having a "best friend".

For the first 10 years she was probably right. Although we are both deeply religious, and neither smoke or drink, and I thought I was a pretty good husband, I found out that in her eyes I was sorely lacking. I have spent the last 12 years trying to get better, or trying to improve in the areas she feels I'm not good at.

We are at the point that she now has appeared to give up on the marriage, and does'nt care if I communicate or not, show love or empathy or not. Seems to have lost interest or committment in being a wife.

In your case the reality is she may never come back. I know it's like a dream that only happens to other people. She could not possibly violate her vows and your trust this way. You find it hard to believe that this person you thought you knew could do anything like this. In my case I saw it in person a few times. Don't go there!!!!

If anyone would have told me how I would have reacted beforehand I would have disagreed. I felt it was my fault. I cried and apoligized as she made fun of me. I went into a deep depression the first and second times and lost 25 lbs (the ONLY good thing at the time).

Here are a few things you MUST learn and not forget. 1.ANYONE violating their marraige vows with another, it is their choice and not your fault! You may have faults and weaknesses like everyone else, but it hardly justifies someone to commit adultery-ever.
2. You can admit you have shortcomings that need worked on, and work on them! You do not make it better by being a crying boob who women have no respect for. Man up and admit your mistakes, but trying to point out theirs does you no favors. They are not ready to listen to any of it. They are in a fog that may take months to lift.
3. Take care of you. It is much easier said then done, but go do fun things with family and friends (no girls). I know you may not even feel like living anymore, but after 6 months my brother took me fishing, laughed at every CW tune on the xm radio that applied to my sitch (all of them did) and I finally laughed with him. At that point I started to live again. I did'nt know if my wife would ever come back, but I knew I'd be ok either way. This is a breakthrough point!
4. Pray. Involve your spiritual side. He knows your pain and will help if you let him.

It's a hard road for sure. I'm back on it, after being at the brink of a D. On round 3 I am much more able to cope. I don't like it, I don't understand it, but I also know I can only control and change me. Her agency and yours to make decisions, and how you decide to react to this decision of hers are important. How you deal with this most trumatic of all of lifes experiences will show what you are made of. It's ok to be angry, but don't be spiteful. Showing her you accept some responsibility for the marriage is ok, but don't grovel. Be respectful, but you don't KA.

Find a clergy, trusted friend, or get on here as often as you need to vent. That is important. There is no magic fix. There may be no fix. It could get better in a few weeks, months or never, but your attitude can and will, along with your coping skills. Read more info on this site, as others know much more than I do.

Many of us have been down your path. We feel your pain, and wish we could help you. The sun will come up tomorrow. Be patient with yourself and the situation as best you can. You are not alone!!!!!!