Rollin' down the river...

[Dane]

I too struggle with the absolute selfishness, lack of ownership and complete blindness that the WAS exhibits.
I guess it is the "FOG" that they are in with the OP.

[mnt_dreams]

Thanks for stopping by my thread! Yes, the selfishness... it is hard to comprehend. But like my IC says, that's trying to make sense of nonsense. She says these WAS' have completely lost their minds, so why would we try to make sense of a crazy person's logic? Hmmm...

Thinking tonight about being loving... debated a bit with my BF about tough love, holding WAS accountable vs. unconditional love, and forgiving others even when they don't seem to deserve it. She's is the tough love camp. I'm trying to practice living out 1 Corinthians 13 - being patient and kind, not keeping a record of wrongs, etc. It's not easy, but treating my STBX in a loving way without being a doormat gives me a sense of peace. Being angry and holding a grudge doesn't make me feel that way so I think my plan of action works best for me. To each their own, right? Any thoughts?

[flowmom]

It's not easy, but treating my STBX in a loving way without being a doormat gives me a sense of peace. Being angry and holding a grudge doesn't make me feel that way so I think my plan of action works best for me. To each their own, right? Any thoughts?

I think that choosing peace is the best thing that we can do for ourselves, regardless of the wrongs done to us. I agree with you that choosing peace doesn't mean being a doormat.

[kara]

Hi mnt

I agree to each his own. We have to wlak our own authentic path.We can't walk someone else's path. It is also worth remembering that tough love isn't rough love. It can be hard to remember that.

You're doing well, mnt. I am happy for you.

[mnt_dreams]

I heard from a friend of a friend that my H is introducing the OW as his fiance. I decided to just ask him about it via email and said "what's up"? He hasn't even filed for D yet. Waiting a response....

[mnt_dreams]

He admitted it. Said he didn't plan to tell me until after the divorce b/c of everything I'd been through and they were trying to keep it quiet. Said he didn't get involved with OW until he 'knew what was going to happen with us' and he hadn't cheated.

I wrote back that I appreciated him telling me the truth, but whenever their R changed I thought he should have told me since we are still M and were going to try to stay friends. I asked him to keep me updated and whenever he filed to let me know and I'll sign the papers w/out service required.

I cried tonight and my kids picked up on it. I told them the truth and they were wonderful. I've tried very hard not to cry in front of them or give them the nitty-gritty, but I can't complete protect them. They gave me big hugs and reassured me I've tried very hard to hang onto hope that H might change his mind. But they feel I've done all I can do and it's time to let him go.

So, once I get my thoughts together, I will start a new thread on Surviving the Big D.

I just have to say... what kind of man gets engaged to OW when he's still married, and what kind of woman get engaged to a man that hasn't even filed for D?

[Lotus]

Cheaters. But that was an easy question.

[Dane]

Someone that has an addiction, their mind is not right.

[antlers]

Absolute selfishness, lack of ownership and complete blindness.

You hit the nail on the head describing a typical WAS.

[antlers]

I just have to say... what kind of man gets engaged to OW when he's still married?

The kind that has no conscience, is selfish to the max, has no sense of ownership or responsibility in the matter, and wants what he wants no matter what the cost is to his family. Destroy a family, a home, lives that he's supposed to care about. The kind that is a sorry piece of sh!t.

Sorry.

But you deserve better than to be treated the way you have been...lies, deceit, etc.. What you need is a massive dose of self-love and self-respect, especially under the circumstances. You are a good woman and a good mother.