T2, I took your advise and did share with my H my need to know where things stood in regards to the OW. He was very sweet and said he still has not talked to her. He said she has not called him and that she may not. I told him not to count on that. I asked him if he's thought about what he'll say to her. He told me he'd tell her that he did not want to talk to her anymore, that he and I were back together and that I did not want there to be any contact at all, and that what I wanted was very important to him. I asked him if he was waiting for her to call him and he said yes. I asked him if he would tell me as soon as she contacted him and he said yes, he would. I dropped it then. I believe him. I think he's really telling the truth this time and wants to end it. I think he's wanted to for a long time, but wanted her there when we were not talking. I know since we've been separated this time talking is all they've done. He stopped sleeping with her after I first found out about them. Last night I was prepared to stay with him all night. He did not want me to leave our S home alone. I told him he was a big boy (17) and he was still concerned. He told me I was all he had now. H feels our S does not feel connected to him anymore since I told him he said he'd move out if H moved back in. It hurt him very deeply. He's fighting to regain not only my trust but that of his son. Our older S also has major issues with him. They both love him,but have so much pain over what he's done. Our S had a BIG date last night with his girlfriend, and he said I should be here when he got home. He was right, but I told him that OUR R was important too,and that our S needs to know we are together. He is a very good Father and loves his kids with a huge intensity. He won't stay here overnight because he does not want to upset our S (which it would at this point), and he wants me to be home at night, says I should not leave our S at home alone. I did ask him if he WANTED me to stay with him. He said "Yes, he did, but right now while S is getting used to us being together we need to take his feelings into consideration. I know he feels like he's hurt him enough, and he does not want to be the cause of anymore pain for him so he is honoring his feelings. This makes it difficult for me. I want us to spend more time together,but I also want to take our S's feelings into consideration and give him time to trust this. I think when we take our trip to Colorado over Thanksgiving it will help alot. We will be with both boys. We really need this time together. T2, I need to thank you for your awesome post to me and all the effort you put into it. You have gone before me,and have failed once at reconciliation as we have, and now are at a whole new place together. Isn't it funny that at first all we think about is getting back together? There's SO much more to it! I think it's such a process-it takes awhile to figure it all out. Falling on our faces once makes us learn from our mistakes. Time also helps. Time to work through all the feelings. Until we do, we will not be happy. We have to forgive also. I had not forgiven my H last time he came home. I have now. That's not to be confused with forgetting. We can never forget it nor do I think we should. (as if we could!) It reminds us we should not take our R for granted-ever. T2, you have come such a long way. You give hope to others here on this BB. It gives them hope in the process also. All of us who have been here awhile know the kind of energy it takes to wait until our H get through whatever it is they go through. It's so hard, and there are no guarantees for any of us, but to keep on going it does make it easier when we hear stories such as yours. So please, keep posting! It's not over when they come home, and your posts remind of us of that. It does sound like your H is very commited to you and your R. From where we stand its sounds like a dream come true, but from where you stand your still working through the daily trials. Thank you for sharing those with us T2! Rachael
