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[Gnosis]

Friday was an emotional outpouring. That was pure emotion and feeling talking. The stress from all her plans going awry. i.e.

- OB is not playing ball,
- Loss of job and financials
- OM not living up to his word

the second and third are temporary. I guarantee you that if OM contacts her and tells her he wants her she will fly like a bat outta hell from your home to him.

There are a lot of feelings and chemicals that need to be flushed out of her system. Hardship accelerates the flush.

If you can't kick her out of the home I can understand that.

Just be careful OB.

[OnceBurdened]

Why?
So she can find her feet and carry on walking out of your M?
I thought you wanted to reconcile?

She walks, she walks I'm not going to stop her. It is real, I am not going to pan for affection. I can get plenty of it without begging for it.

And this goes to prove everything I told you. She still wants out. She knows OB is a little old softy... a knight in shining armor... who comes to her rescue no matter what she does or intends to do. A doormat.

Once again G, I get it and that's fine. I am not going to change her mind. If she still has a foot out the door than she can go. Really, I don't feel like i'm being a softy. She has made a start and I've given her some leeway but, I haven't stopped my GALing - she's been tagging along with the family. I mean she could have met us at the hockey rink, and the restaurants, etc. but what would that prove?

To me nothing because I thought about doing just that. And I think I've shown that I'm a bigger man than that.

Stop watching. She is placating you and giving you something to shut you up until she can get all her ducks in a row so that she can walk again.

Maybe, but I'd rather placate with her than placate and be in an A myself. But I know exactly what your saying.

Listen OB, I would like nothing else more than to join the crowd singing. "FINALLY! Another Divorce Busted!! Wooooohoooo." I really, REALLY, REALLY would. But we know that these things don't get turned around like this overnight. I wish they did, but they don't. There is a process to DB'ing and there is a process towards Piecing. I don't think you're anywhere near piecing yet.

And I would agree- I am no where near saying D Busted. Really my CONCERN is , as I stated in another post, I may have DETACHED to FAR. Right now I'm listening,I got a booty call and there have been a couple of touching moments.

Maybe a little to flexible , but remember she does have legal rights. As for contact - I'll have to take her word on it for now. Sooner or later some form of trust has to kick in. Or maybe I don't care if she choses that p.o.s.. I know what I want.

I WANT SOMEBODY THAT WANTS ME.

[Deep]

Good developments to hear, OB.

Hmms, I found DB and this site waaaaay after the A and the fallout. One of the classic mistakes I made on hindsight was pointed out by Puppy: Forgiving too fast and too easily. All it did was validate the OM withdrawal and W's pining for him. And later of course, my own similar feelings of "Do I wanna deal with this sh!t", even after the remorse and commitment was genuine and actioned on. I know what you mean.

I'll add to the "be careful" and beware of the alien returning advice. I well remember what I took to be such positive comments when the A was busted, e.g. "That's the problem, the grass is so much greener on the other side, then you step in it, and it's just fulla sh!t". etc. W got extremely busy for a while after that, keeping herself occupied. Amazing how all that got forgotten once she really had to live with consequences and the A withdrawal really hit after a few weeks.

As for your W's comments on OM, there's no red flag there, but I would guess it's far from the truth. He might actually use the same words to describe her to his W. If everyone that complained of a bad M got to have an A with their audience, we would have people humping on the sidewalks. Misery loves company, and at the very least, I'm pretty sure they had a great time comparing notes on how bad their spouses and Ms were. She's angry at him for different reasons, some for which Dr. Gno may have mentioned.

(Personally, I was infinitely more gratified when W went from angry to indifferent about OM, which to be fair, takes time).

[OnceBurdened]

the second and third are temporary. I guarantee you that if OM contacts her and tells her he wants her she will fly like a bat outta hell from your home to him.

There are a lot of feelings and chemicals that need to be flushed out of her system. Hardship accelerates the flush.

Really as it stands G, I think I'm OK.

Believe me she walks It ain't going to hurt much now.

Do I want her to? NO

Do I want her to stay? Not like it is right now.

Am I going to give her every chance to get it right? Yes.

It still needs time. My fear is me now.

the realization of finally "Getting It" has MAYBE insulated me to much. I WANT THAT UNDENIABLE FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOU KNOW - Do you understand that?

[Gnosis]

OK, OB I stand corrected on your stance and know what you mean about detaching too far.

As long as you know what you're doing. Wanted to ensure that you know that you were tagged. I hope you use protection during your booty calls... And heck, as long as you're not getting your hopes and expectations up go for it!

@Deep, Dr Gno is my evil alter ego who comes up with wicked thoughts when angered. Today he's been quiet.

[Gnosis]

Am I going to give her every chance to get it right? Yes.

the realization of finally "Getting It" has MAYBE insulated me to much. I WANT THAT UNDENIABLE FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOU KNOW - Do you understand that?

I'm there bro. Very there. Read my last update in my sitch and you'll see. I know EXACTLY what you mean.

In fact I think I may be even beyond there right now.

[OnceBurdened]

All it did was validate the OM withdrawal and W's pining for him. And later of course, my own similar feelings of "Do I wanna deal with this sh!t", even after the remorse and commitment was genuine and actioned on. I know what you mean.

That is my internal struggle every day. Do I wanna deal with this sh*t?

Especially when all the transparency in the world isn't going to keep me from seeing him @ town.

My other problem is - I want to know the truth the whole truth and nothing less. If I am to totally forgive and forget shouldn't I know the truth?

I don't know, I feel like I may have pulled to far out and maybe asking for to much from her, that is why I am letting it sit for now. There is alot of periferal B.S. going on for now.

[OnceBurdened]

As long as you know what you're doing. Wanted to ensure that you know that you were tagged. I hope you use protection during your booty calls... And heck, as long as you're not getting your hopes and expectations up go for it!

I don't know what I'm doing, haven't been in this sitch before.

But I do know what I want.

And not to sound arrogant - My W, no matter what she has done to this point, is going to get the first shot.

I want her, but I don't need her.

[OnceBurdened]

Last Nite I get -

W says -"I am here for the wrong reasons, I don't think you want me back here, & on Friday I know you didn't want me here."

I said - " I wanna know the truth about what happened first, I wanna know how you could just turn and do something like that. 2nd I want some one that wants me and I want them back. If that's you u than it needs to show on both of our faces and in our actions. 3rd you need to be transparent, let me know what is going on in your mind and your life. I have trust issues as far as you are concerned."

[dburt]

And her reply was?

Burt