It's possible that you've misunderstood me. I don't feel helpless about this, and I don't believe it's permanent or can't be changed. I have hope, as I stated, that my story as a dad isn't finished and I'll have another chance. I believe that whatever has happened between my kids and I, under all those layers of hurt and distance...they long to be reconnected to me as I long to be reconnected to them. I think they want to forgive me and be right with me. We can't go back, but we can go forward. I believe they want to go forward as I do.
I've been acknowledging that I've made mistakes with them since before their mother left. And I have resolved to correct them, but it takes time...the dynamics here are totally screwed up. And they've gotten much worse since their mother filed for divorce.
It's gonna require some hard work. I want my kids and I to be reconnected at a heart level with each other.
Regret does shadow your life with a persistent, painful message of "what could have been".
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
