Keep Moving Forward

[Butterfly1]

ANy chance of MC so he can hear your needs?

[cat03]

i'll keep you in my prayers hon

[BeingMe]

I may suggest Retrouiville to him. There is one fairly nearby in March.

[Aud31]

Hi BeingMe,

Sorry I've not checked in for what seems like a very long time. I'm so glad about the good health news, so glad. And sorry nothing has improved in your M. I've been reading (well, listening to) some really powerful books on peace & relationships...if you like, I'll send them over on FB. Thinking of ya hon--take care.

[cat03]

yo Aud! you are in FB? wish I could find you girl, hugs)))))

[whatisis]

Hey Being Me, what's new. Did you do the Retro-whatever-ville thing with hubby? Is that like Medieval Times where you all dress up like Lords and Ladies...uh, maybe not eh. Just thinking out loud.

[BeingMe]

Hi Wii (and Cat) --- no, we haven't done it yet. But, H is open to it. He has been working really hard since he went independent, so he has to find his own consultations. Making more money, but it is stressful. Still, it's what he likes.

I am still at school, doing my creative writing and enjoying it. H not really interested in reading my work, "oh well".

[whatisis]

Wow, the fact that he is willing to go is impressive! Does he think it's a Medieval Times too?

[BeingMe]

It's been a day of reflection for me this Easter Monday. H is away on business and will return on Friday night, then leave again next Sunday for another week. It's like our M --- sometimes he's present and other times, very much NOT!

Be prepared for a whine fest fellow dbusters ....

I wonder how authentic my M was ---- I feel like I have been battling just to know my H in any kind of meaningful way. He is not a person who shares feelings or is very intimate (in a non-sexual way). When we were first married, I thought I knew everything about him. Boy, was I wrong. The longer we were married, the further he got away from me, the quieter he was, and the more he found satisfaction through sexual images, although that has been a long time past (that I know of), I got more clingy, or argumentative, or distant. Isn't that strange?

Then I decided that I needed to know myself, to take care of me, and just as I was doing that, H had the EA. That was 5 years ago and so much has happened since. I have come to the conclusion that my M might never be restored --- not in a true sense anyway. Yes, we are still together, but we don't share feelings, there is no intimacy (sexual or other), and all we talk about is his work and the kids. He is not interested in what I am studying ---- is so obviously bored when I bring it up, that I have stopped discussing it. Although, I slip up sometimes, until I get the blank look on his face.

I am so glad that I have classes to go to because if I didn't, I would've gone crazy a long time ago. Even while 'watching' tv, he has his laptop on the coffee table, working during the ad breaks.

Thankfully, I have my two kids who are still at home --- S22 and D17. My D22 phones me often, and she is interested in me and my doings, as I am interested in her and the grandkids. It's so nice to have reciprocal conversations. However, I miss my friends from our previous city where we lived for quite a long time. I have been unable to match those friendships here ---- I guess, it takes time to develop these relationships. Even though I am happy at school, there are very few people my age who are students. I rather have more in common with the profs, but one can't have friendships with them, so there you are. Whine, whine, whine.

Life! Sometimes it is so awesome, and sometimes it sucks. But, without the sucky parts, who would know the joyous times, 'eh!? I love life and will always enjoy learning and being fascinated by new things. I just have to come to terms with the reality of my M. And, I think that's 75% there. One thing I do know is that I probably will not be having ever again in this life. And I am okay with that, finally. Doesn't bother me in the least.

Hope y'all had a good Easter and remembered the reason for it. Although chocolate is good too.

[BeingMe]

PS It was our 24th anniversary last week. Yay, us!