So it was suggested to me that it might be a good idea to bust my wife's EA and see what happens. I know she has wanted to keep him a secret from pretty much everybody and has asked me not to speak of our problems with our mutual friends. Of course this is usually followed up by her saying she hasn't talked to anyone about us...I figured this was a good place to post this question...I was specifically told to look for posts from Gucci and puppydogtails but I want to hear from everyone who has knowledge in this area and how to handle an EA. Thanks so much...
Also how badly could this backfire...I want to do the best thing...
well the worst thing that can happen is that she leaves you and your marriage is over. she could go over the deep end and do some crazy things. Go out and make it a PA out of spite.
they are the worst things.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
She would most likely leave...I do not think her parents would take her though...She has no money to get over three states as well...at the same time I seem to be making progress not even talking about it...I know she is wondering what the hell is going on...I also think she is not looking for a job so her parents will take her back...Do not quite know what to think...I am thinking of getting a keylogger...I found a good one where I can not only get screenshots and chats but that also blocks websites and is invisible...Any more advice on how to do this...should I do this...and what else could happen? She has already expressed that there is nothing wrong with her relationship with this guy but then she also does not want her dad or our friends knowing about it...
Turn off the internet. Tell her you will not enable her EA.
You are allowed to state what makes you uncomfortable.
Or you get keyblaster or a program like that and install it and monitor her...
I used real spy monitor.....
Then when you have the intel. Cut the internet off.
State the reason why. Do not give away your intel. Just state you know. State your boundaries about an OM. OPEN MARRIAGE or OTHER MAN. Then she has a choice.
It will be anger or remorse. Then it will either push her towards leaving or not. If its anger and leaving. Then you expose. Very close friend who is a friend of the marriage to lean on her. Then her parents and your parents. IF the OM has a wife or GF let them know as well.
Read up on the carrot and the stick of Plan A.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
IMHO what Cutterbug says is pretty much what I think Puppy would say. Gather your intel and then let her know WHAT you know (not HOW you know) and set your boundaries.
She will do whatever she is going to do either way and you can't control that, but you can stand up for yourself and your M and let her know what you are/aren't willing to accept. Then stick to it.
If you have a game plan in place before you expose to her and others, you will have a better idea of how to manuver(sp?) throughout the process.
Wish I would have listened to Pup...
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
