Drumroll please.....W may have a little pregnancy problem......
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my question/thought is @_($*(*&@!???? First---it is not mine that has not been an (ahem ahem)issue since April (sadly!) So if this is true this is a disaster. It truly messes up everything and will continue to keep me involved in this for much longer than I am willing/wanting to be.
If she is pregnant and it's not your child, it's not your responsibility. Given the circumstances, I don't see why you can't have a paternity test as soon as it is feasible to do so.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Do not tell her that you were on her computer. Snooping=Atom Bomb!!!!! Keep this info to yourself and your L. If she is pregnant, you need to get whatever evidence you can to help prove that there is no way this could be yours. Proves infidelity. Not a huge help in some states when it comes to custody/child support, but may be helpful to you. Hope others can help chime in here in a hurry to help you. Shock
I ventured over and saw her computer was still on so I went to have a look. She has been looking up "how to stop a divorce and other variations all week, until Friday when she started looking up "am I pregnant, signs that I am pregnant, etc, etc, etc..!!!
Yeah, that's a bomb alright, but not your problem or responsibility.
More importantly, let's take a step back: In this day of dime-a-dozen, extremely fast and highly accurate simple at-home P tests, why is an adult women looking up "am I pregnant, signs that I am pregnant, etc, etc, etc.." online? And then leaving her computer on AND leaving you alone in the house for a while? I dunno...
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
More importantly, let's take a step back: In this day of dime-a-dozen, extremely fast and highly accurate simple at-home P tests, why is an adult women looking up "am I pregnant, signs that I am pregnant, etc, etc, etc.." online? And then leaving her computer on AND leaving you alone in the house for a while? I dunno...
Seriously! Are you kidding me? It's not a lot to know... missed period, enlarged/swollen boobs, nausea, etc... COME ON! Any 15 year old knows this sh#T!
Sounds like a mind job.
Last edited by mindfull; 01/20/1001:14 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Gotta agree with Garderner and Mindful. I was set up by my WAXW on the computer in much the same way. It was a mutual computer, but things were left for me to find, hence knowing the A-Bomb when confronting. Don't be surprised if she is, or is not pregnant. It may be truthful, or a pure set-up. Either way, not your problem.
a couple of things: I agree and understand that it is not my problem to a point----wether it is mine or not (and it is NOT) we cannot get a D in my state(MO). So in that regard some might say that is a good thing as it gives more time, however read my sitch above and I think at this point that she needs to be let go and a D needs to happen. Maybe after when life hits her a reconcilliation would happen but i do not see a possible way that this could happen now, so any hold up to a D is a problem right now for me.....
Also, in regards to the Computer I see your point and admit I had not thought that this could be a set up so that is something to consider. This is her work computer that you need a password to get on (i have) and I am not sure she is smart enough to realize that I know this and have been looking at it for sometime??
To this day she denies the A even though I have seen pictures, texts, e-mails, phone calls, cars parked at each others place, etc, etc... So she thinks that I am really clueless and that she just lost her love and that is that. I am convinced that in her mind she really believes that I think that and there is no reason for me to suspect this A.
I have confronted her many times on the A and called her out on it but she just denies denies denies, even the couple of friends that are aware of what is going on have called the A with the guy.(They are former co-workers, unitl OM got fired a few months ago). So I don't know, mind game---maybe? really pregnant--maybe? Either way another bad day and I cannot take many more of them from this girl....
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Shocked---yes true-maybe. I am not sure how i feel about the snooping around thing in general and struggled quite a bit with it before ever starting.
In the end I felt it was worth it in order to find out the truth, I went from March-Oct thinking that maybe I was imagining these problems and that she really just "fell out of love" Now I know that is not the case.
She probably does not want to challenge me on the use of this computer as she is also sending company info out to the OM in hopes of aiding his job search. They both worked at the same job, and OM got fired for performance issues about 4 months ago or so and now my W is forwarding him all of the contacts and rates, etc..to OM from her work computer and e-mail! So even though I am not sure about how I FEEL about the snooping it is not something that will ever see the light of day except between the 2 of us if that.
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Understandable, but something you may want to discuss with a lawyer before bringing to light of day, even with WAW. Laws can really vary state by state, and even if she is doing some indiscretions that may get her fired or into trouble, she may not be thinking straight and just see the part that may get you into trouble and not herself.
Update: I still need to work on the detachment process a lot. I find my mind wandering and wondering how things could have been different and why things have gotten so out of control that there is no turning back. That is probably the hardest part of this whole process is knowing that I was not even given a chance to make things work. We went from happily being on vacation and talk of another child to done in literally a matter of days.....
I am also sad for my S2. I struggle with accepting that i will find love again I want to think that is the case but than I look at some of my single friends and they have all confided in me over the years that they are unhappy and looking for a relationship, how tough it is out there, etc...It is funny I have always been the ear and advice person of my group of people and W accuses me of being "impossible to talk to"?? Back on track though about S2 it is totally unfair and even cruel to him that he will have to live his childhood out of a suitcase shuttling back and forth between mom and dad's house. I remember being a little kid and my room was my piece of the world. I felt so safe and secure there and I know the optimists would say that now he gets 2 places like that, but the pessimist part of me says that it sucks that he will never get to make 1 place that special.
W now says that she is going to stall the D process b/c she does not want to agree to split custody anymore. So that I will need to file in April after our hearing is scheduled and than she will fight for full custody. So she is saying that she does not want a Divorce or a Marriage and really just wants me to go away and let her come and go as she pleases and not try to fix anything. Now that part I do not need any pick me ups on. I know and have known since bomb day that that is totally unacceptable. It is unfathomable to me that W could even think that is a sensible solution.
Anyways long little rant here but I am frustrated as it seems now that this women is not even capable of Divorcing properly. EVERY decision and EVERY hurdle along this road has been her way and has been the hard way, the expensive way, the most damaging way. I have talked to my L about this and the gloves are about to come off. I am tired of being along for the ride on her crazy roller coaster with a complete lunatic behind the wheel.
I hope that come this next week W can get hit with a big dose of reality and start to see that she is going to get exactly what she has been asking for. I only hope that there is a beautiful ending for me out there somewhere soon......
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
