I sense irony here! Poor choice of words on my part. I have been GAL-ing. I'm gone most times, connecting with old friends, making new ones and picking up new hobbies. I try to stay busy so that way I don't sit at home thinking and analyzing. Other close to me and family are actually very shocked at how I have handled this one. I tend to be very aggressive (raised that way in a home full of males and always been in a high pressure career) and generally don't get railroaded like this situation appears on the surface. I have handled most of this with a reasonable amount of patience and dignity (90% of the time) and mostly void of anger (what I show anyway). Don't get me wrong, there are lots of tears cried in private and a lot of cursing H out while I am alone, but I'm trying to stay calm and keep it all together. Fake it 'til you make it right? Some days are better than others.
The funny thing is, I heard about affairs in our circle of friends and I always said to myself, "I would never take that and I would leave him so fast his head would spin". Sounds cheesy, but I really know what unconditional love is for perhaps the first time in my life. Why else would I continue to keep standing up for this M? Also, I think I love myself more than I ever have before, only realizing this after detaching and realizing my H's affair and MLC was about him and not all my fault. I blamed myself initially and scrutinized my shortcomings to the point I could barely function during a day. I had always been independent, but I lost a little bit of that when I got married. I've rediscovered that independence again and know that I can make it on my own if I have to.
Just a few things that I have learned so far from this journey.... At least there is a silver lining to every sh*t storm!
