Running IS obviously the 'quick' answer for them. They demonstrated that when they ran from our marriages and the 'pain' they were in emotionally INSTEAD of running to us. So yes, it's hard for them not to run. I wonder if part of that isn't there natural 'fight or flight' instinct kicking in. WE are the tiger they can't wrestle to the ground so it's easier to high tail it up a tree to safety. Eventually though as WE growl less and purr more, they start climbing down the tree and before you know it, they're trying to pet our heads and be our friend again. But they are also well aware that we may bite their hand again when they least expect it...so they stay pretty tentative for quite some time.
We're very much like that tiger. We circle them, watching, waiting, ready to pounce at any sign of a false move. Both of us (our Hs and us) have to learn to relax a bit. It's the ONLY way we'll ever be able to cohabitate peacefully again.
Unfortunately there are WAH & WAWs that will never find the strength within themselves to acknowledge their wrong doing and feel the determination to seek amends of those they've hurt or attempt to reconcile their M or lives. But I think those WAH & WAWs who spend their lives running and never looking back, are more sociopathic then they are victims of MLC or run of the mill depression.
I think all of our spouses who have 'fallen from grace' have lived their entire lives with a 'kink in their armor' and one day it shows itself and the sight isn't very pretty for anyone that bears witness to it.
I think time tells us whether the battle we're fighting to regain what we've lost is a battle worth fighting or a lost cause. And WE have to be ready to handle that decision no matter which way it goes.
I look at where I am now and still ask myself just how emotionally healthy I am. I wonder if my 'fight' was the 'good fight' or just my battle weary resignation that THIS is all I deserve. I think we will all wonder that for years to come. And even though my H is home and we are coexisting well, I still intend to 'search' for my own answers to make sure that my decision is what's best FOR ME and if I find in time that it was not, then I will be more honorable than my H was capable of being, and I will tell him that I am moving on....NOT to someone else, but for myself. All our choices are not theirs to make, some are in us yet. T2
