Question

[awest1217]

H never called or even text me tonight. What bugs me is how he can get under my skin just by texting me a few times! I know detach and not let it bug me, but he knows just what to do to make me feel like things might be moving in a positive direction just to pull it out. Of course I knew this would happen because all the texts were vague, and weren't connecting at all.

I just feel like at some point our positions are going to flip. I am the type of person that once I get my mind set on something that I go through with it and just suffer the consequences because I always think things through a ton. I am more and more feeling like why am I bothering. Why do I even care anymore? I mean for 10 years I have dealt with competing with OW for H's affection, then he moved out to live with this OW (and her husband) so why keep holding out? I am really happy without H and if I could just live the rest of my life like the last two weeks (no contact at all with H) and just find someone else who will treat me right and really love me and S then why not? I know right now I am sounding like the other side, but I really don't have much to hold on to, and every time H does something like text me vague messages just to keep control, it ultimately pushes me farther away.

I don't know. I just wish he would make up his mind so I could just move on. Right now I am waiting because of money and because I really think H has a mental problem and needs some help. Other people that know him are just now realizing there is a problem and starting to try to help him since he won't let me. I want him to be happy and healthy so I guess I still love him. I am just so mad and as I said in other posts this is the first time in this whole separation where I am really mad and not trying to just excuse H's actions. I disapprove majorly with what he is doing and am mad that he is still putting me through this. Even his mom last night said her and my FIL told him they support him completely when this all started, but she thought he would need a few months and either start to work on things with me or divorce, but she even says the limbo is not fair. (she is one to never say her boys are wrong).

Just a weird feeling night; a little dip in the roller coaster, which is not being helped by feeling sick and being exhausted from S being sick, which he still is not 100%.

I just hope H does not text me at 10 tonight like he did last night because I could just text back an angry message because I am tired. Yes, I need to keep my phone on because that is what my school calls to let me know if there is a cancelation or delay, which in IN this time of year is important.