Thanks for the words of encouragement guys. I do not know how to Be positive. I either am or i am not. Right now she has called me and emailed me a couple of times and i fight myself to pick up or ignore. I do this because i do not know what to say. I want to tell her that i can't stand being so close to her and not be loved by her, but i can't cuz that shows weakness. I am weak right now. Thats the bottom line.
I don't mean to ignore her but at the same time i do. I don't want her to be mad at me but at the same time i do. MOre than anything i want her to fight for me but that won't happen. That is a pipe dream that should not have even left my fingertips. I want her to pine for me, instead of another man, but i can't do that in the state i am in.
I need i break but i don't need a break. I don't know if that makes sense. Right now I have the trifecta of crap: Bankrupt,Divorced,Jobless. Even though I am in demand in my field(sharepoint) it still takes time to get a job and get your benefits back.
I guess the biggest thing that i am dealing with is that i have failed in the biggest 3 themes of life and i am having a bit of a problem dealing with it by myself.
Me ex is from here. Her whole history, family, friends are here. I moved here for her. I set the fact that i was an outsider aside for her. But i could never fit in. That weighs on me heavily. And is having more of an effect than I thought.
Im up one day, down the other. Being by her just exasperates my need to attach to her more. I went dark without meaning to go dark.
I am probably doing more harm to the relationship by being dark, but how can i not be. I feel like everytime i say something to her it is the wrong thing, therefore not saying anything at all is probably the best thing to do.
