T2, Thank you so much for your honesty and candidness. It made me realize I can't control how he tells the OW.I don't want to be Motherly to him. I want him to want me and me alone. He did care alot about the OW. They have been friends for yrs. before the A. I know she has been after him a long time. He finally caved. The A was long term. He has told me though he was never "in love" with her. She would ask him if he still loved me and he would say "yes." He says he can talk to her though. Her says he wants that with me. I told him he would have to stop talking to her and put his efforts into OUR relationship. He feels very guilty for what he's done. He told me before he would tell her NO more contact. He did keep that promise for awhile. Then things went bad after he moved back home and he wanted out again. We weren't ready.
I had SO much anger and mistrust. I was having constant panic attacts thinking he was seeing her. It was an awful time in my life. A total nightmare. I don't know how I got through the days at work. I was a zombie-never talking to anyone. I'm SO much better now. I have a life. I go to nursing school AND work full time. I know he's afraid to come home and have it fail again. I'm not sure what it will take to make him take that risk. I don't pressure him. I do need to have the trust talk with him. I HAVE to know I can trust him first and foremost. He has to make gestures to earn my trust and show me he will keep his word this time. I do need to talk to him about the OW, and if he's told her. He told me he would tell me when he did. If he's told her I'll be upset he didn't tell me. He has to know I NEED to know that! IF he's not talked to her, I kinda find it hard to believe she hasn't called him in over a week. He asked me to come over tonight. He went home sick from our Daughters house. He is having a bunch of tests and a complete physical tuesday. He has horrible headaches-he had major sinus surgery for it last yr and their back. I'm afraid its something serious. He usually has SO much energy, and he's pretty listless now. I left a note for our Son that I might stay the night with his Dad. He's the one that said if his Dad came home he'd leave.(17) He loves him very much, but does NOT want to go through all that drama again. Can't blame him there. That's another thing that keeps my H away. He is very sensitive to our kids needs. Well, I'm outta here. I hope I say and do the right things tonight, and I hope H. is as reassuring as yours T2! Night all, Rachael
