Next steps

[avermont]

Well, I don't think I really claimed to be detached! Getting better, but not there yet.

But pearl--on all the threads where the WAS is somehow still in the house, or at least seeing the LBS on a regular basis, all the advice is:
Smell great. Buy new clothes. Act mysterious. Fiddle with your blackberry. Laugh at something on your computer screen, then say, "oh, nothing!" if they ask.

These things are done to 1) make the LBS feel better about him/herself and 2) to pique WAS curiosity; make LBS seem interesting, different; 3) give WAS sense that LBS is having a life, moving on, etc.

So I feel frustrated in my sitch where the only contact is the previously agreed upon "we'll review finances once a month"
and I debate whether/how to do it, it is seen as me trying to make him change his mind--not that I don't appreciate your input! I do, I do!
But on other threads, when the LBS has the opportunity to show off the new clothes, etc., it is cheered on.
I KNOW I'm not going to make him change his mind. But how can I be seen "as the better option" "make him realize that I am moving on", etc., if we never see each other?

Pearl, you always advise: "do what works." I'm no longer sure what I want to have work. But I can say that 7 months of very very little contact certainly isn't changing our dynamic any.

I'm changing--getting better and more genuinely upbeat every day.

But for "what works"--if what I want is to reconcile--which I am less sure of every day--NC sure ain't it.

So what's the difference between other LBS wearing their new clothes when they go to pick up the kids or whatever and my sitch?

If I come across as whining here I REALLY apologize. I do appreciate the feedback.

Thanks in advance for any 2x4's or other input.