Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

Situation not good. My H is treating me like a roomate. I actually told him that the other day and that I don't want to be his roomate. He flew off the handle and threatened to leave again. His exact words were " It will suck for Marek, and it will suck for Talan, but at least then i don't have to put up with this crap"

So if he stays, he's just a roommate. If you press the issue, he walks (again!) It sounds like a no-win situation for you.

I didn't know how to respond. I was scared to death.

Of course you were. You've been afraid that he's going to walk out again since before he agreed to move back in. And he knows it.

Since the talk, things have gotten a little bit better, but not like they have been since coming home.

Then it's time for professional marriage counseling. You can't fix this by yourself.

Scared to death to make boundaries, as soon as I bring up any feelings or problems I may be having, he has not consideration and blows up.

And as long as this dynamic continues, you will be stuck.

There are three options:

1) You two agree to joint marriage counseling and try to work this out.
2) You put up with it and let him treat you like a roommate and live-in maid for the rest of your lives.
3) You kick his shameless ass out again and file for D.

He just wants me to be the "perfect wife" in his eyes. Do everything for him, take care of him, do his laundry, make his meals, take care of his children, give him intimacy when HE wants it, do things with him when he feels like his is having a "family" day, and when he wants to run around like a single man and go for drinks three times a week and not invite me I am supposed to be okay with that too. Its getting upsetting.

That's not a "perfect wife"; that's a servant with benefits.

Where are you in that fantasy life of his? What does he do in that scenario that is for you?