Moving back in

[soleil]

P.S. KISA = Knight in shining armor

Thank you for breaking that down because I had NO idea what that meant. Haha.

Ddogs, sorry to hear about your W prefering a jewelry party to MC. Try to remain as calm as you canbut you're justified in feeling disappointed and upset.

((( Ddogs )))

[dburt]

I believe the MC wants her there to feel the gravity of her decisions.

Burt

[DDogs]

DBURT: I do believe that is important that she feel the consequences of her decisions,, but actually, I believe it is more along the lines of the MC not want to appear taking sides.. in previous sessions if either of us had any contact with him, (ie. calling him to look into retrovaille, telling him a problem came up that I would like to discuss in session etc..) that was the very first thing he would mention at the beginning of the session to both of us. He was also VERY cautious of him talking alone with either of us (waiting room, after session etc..)

I can understand him not wanting the appearance of taking sides, but when one partner shows a definite disinterest in MC (W by her actions and words), I think whats best for the kids should have some priority...

[lea74]

DD, I told my kids on my own. When my H moved out he didnt tell them and he made me lie to them that he was working away from home. After he asked for a D and then started the process he still didnt tell them. Eventually we told them together that he had moved out. It wasn't terrible but he was not very clear with them and they were not aware of the D. They became really confused and expected him to keep coming home. I decided to tell them as I knew that if wouldn't or if he did he would sugar-caot it. E.g. best for you, we wont fight anymore etc. Kids are not studpid they will work it out. My eldest son has started to work out that my H lied about where he was for 4 months and he is not happy about. Ihave had to do all the hard w

[lea74]

contd: I have had to do all the hard work telling them and had to see their very sad faces but wouldnt have it any other way. My relationship with my sons is stronger and I have always believed in telling them the truth - they know they can always come to me. I have told them that the decision was their Dads and that I am very sorry and I wish I could change it but I cant. We will be our own family and one day we will be okay again.

Go with your gut - it will always direct you.

[DDogs]

MC told me flat out he will not see my and the kids without w present. Oh and the w took it on her own to call and schedule an appt this Thursday without talking with me. Guess what? I am unable on that day.

It's 630 now and w calls my s and tells him she'll be home in about an hour. Ok let me vent. She'll be home by 730ish but can't make an appt with mc at 8. WTF!

I call bullsh!t on this!

[C-Bart]

You're right. Now that that's out of the way do you want to be right or married?

I'm not sure if its the way you write, your just venting or if you are really angry. Its completely understandable if your angry but hopefully your not communicating this to your W.

I agree that she should feel the consequences of her actions. However, its not up to you to ensure that she does. As long as you are playing the role of resident AH she gets to point at you as the problem versus looking in the mirror.

BTY..I like the ethics of your C.

[flowmom]

You're right. Now that that's out of the way do you want to be right or married?

I'm not sure if its the way you write, your just venting or if you are really angry. Its completely understandable if your angry but hopefully your not communicating this to your W.

I agree that she should feel the consequences of her actions. However, its not up to you to ensure that she does.

I have to agree with this. Obviously the jewelry party is an excuse to not go forward with something that no parent would relish. Clearly it's her job to step up to the plate and own her choices, but maybe this is an indication that she is not as clear as it appears? I'm not saying that boundaries are unnecessary here, but in the short- and long-term fueling your anger at her will not serve you or your goals.

[DDogs]

You're right. Now that that's out of the way do you want to be right or married?

I'm not sure if its the way you write, your just venting or if you are really angry. Its completely understandable if your angry but hopefully your not communicating this to your W.

I agree that she should feel the consequences of her actions. However, its not up to you to ensure that she does. As long as you are playing the role of resident AH she gets to point at you as the problem versus looking in the mirror.

BTY..I like the ethics of your C.

No worries folks , just venting here... I'm, learning I cannot get much done when I'm in an angry disposition. I got my kids home spoke with w in civil tones and went and decompressed and soaked in a warm bath....... Kids all turned in early so no opportunity to speak with them,,,, I will sleep on this and reevaluate in the morning...

Thanks for the B!tch slap,, Im awake..

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

We told the kids tonite. (Today, Realtor placed signs and lock box on the front of the home.) We all sat down for dinner tonite, ate, visited and near the end, I looked at W and said, "W is there something you'd like to tell the kids?".. W looks at me and says, "No, like what?"

I reply, "like who you've seen and what you've started?".. W looks a bit anxious and says, "kids your father has put the house up for sale and we will be moving",," Kids, you father and I are getting a divorce." I remind her about her actions and she says, " I have a lawyer and we're getting a divorce."

I correct her and I add, "kids, you mom wants a divorce from your dad, she has seen a lawyer and has started the legal process of divorce." then silence.....

I tell the kids,"your mom wants the divorce from dad, I don't believe this is the way to handle this and would prefer other options, but this is what your mom has chosen. I'm obligated to legally respond now." more silence...

I ask the kids if they have any questions and the kids look at W and say, "where are we going to live?"

W says,, "we don't know that yet",, silence...

I tell them, "I love you all very much, I'm still your dad and that won't change...I am still here for you with what ever I can do for you..."

more silence,, then the W picks up the conversation, "so, kids how was school today?" WTF... kids get the news, W has no follow up and now she is steering the conversation around small talk about everyones day?

The kids are awkwardly nervous and start coming out with all different questions about their school day in an obvious way to comfort W because they can sense the tension in the room....

I again tell the kids, if they have any question they can come to me any time and I'll answer what I can truthfully.

W treated this very mechanically, no follow up with the kids, no reassurance,, nothing... The kids got up from the table and began doing their own things... I believe they are still processing all of this.... My S15 (who I told yesterday) was very quiet and D12 was watery eyed but did not cry, the youngest just went on business as normal.... This will be a long night and week...