I am...I think I am coming up with a balanced plan that is a mix of everything...Hope that makes sense...I am noticing some things working...mostly me doing me...Like I said I do remember the man she fell in love with but I am not just trying to be that man...I see someone who is a lot more whole, healthy, loving, and strong trying to peek out and I really like who I am becoming in this...Hasn't been long though. I have only been doing this for a week at best but I guess having a made up mind helps. I have made a decision and am following it and that feels GOOD!
City Girl clarified it well, keep it short - I have plans. I meant act like you don't have time for it right now, you have important things you are doing.
If I understand bad=good. This means if something bad is happening like trying to start a fight, they are in a bad mood, etc, that means something is upsetting their fantasy which is good for you. Not that you are getting back at them, just there maybe doubt, a light, a chance.
Yeah there have been some instances like that...She asked me to stop changing and being so nice because it makes her doubt everything she is doing. Also she told me that the more she sees the man she knows is in me come out the more she misses me. Usually after we have a good day or a good talk she also gets either really cold, distant, tries to start a fight, or tries to discourage me. She has also said she does not understand how I can love her when she does not deserve it...I see what you are saying...yeah I will not speak about this until I am ready...Just trying to figure out what to say when she strikes out and says it must be nice to be able to go out. Because honestly my emotions want to say you put yourself in this boat but I know that would be counter productive...
That is a lot of positives coming your way, but be careful. The saying with the WAW is don't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do. So look for the actions first.
Her actions at the time line up...when we are apart they do not...I will be back home Friday though...even though she still says she wants a divorce we are not separating...said she wants to reevaluate in 6 months...I think some of it is cake eating though because she is still heavily pursuing and involved with her internet EA. I am going to have to strike a balance in this thing...The good thing is she usually is a very open person with me about these things...OM gets mad when she says these things because she usually also backs off from him some. He told her that if he did not get to see her soon or she was not able to get rid of me soon he thinks he would lose her. When she asked him for time to work on herself he also told her he did not think he could wait that long...but she is SO caught up with what he is doing and what she is pursuing that she can't see it for what it is and has to make excuses to justify what he said. Also usually after we have had a good day and she talks to him we have a few really cold days. So I know that if he ever screws up and she is able to really see what I am doing for what it is that things have a good chance of working out.
I have an idea how to go about this it is just some of the logistics I am not sure about.
Also if she is so ok with leaving me and wants me to see others and doesn't care then why does she even get worried that I am upset with her or get jealous when I am speaking to my friends? Is it cake eating, control, or she really does not know what she is doing?
Look up osts by Gucci, PuppyDogTails and be on the lookout for others who are knowledgeable and dead on on this stuff. From what I remember of their many excellent posts, you bust it by a) Telling OM's wife, if married. b) telling everybody.
And why not? There's nothing wrong at all in what they're doing from your wife's point of view, so what's wrong with acknowledging it? Getting it out there?
Last edited by Gardener; 01/20/1001:31 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
