It sends him into a very dark place emotionally and he said yesterday that his frustration with finances was a huge part of the "fuel" that led him to thinking he wanted to "walk away" (yes, he used those words!) from his life and have a "do over" life.
I think that finances were a trigger for my WAH as well. In fact, the last financial crisis that we had was the trigger for starting MC. H was not enthusiatic about MC, but he was so unhappy with our marriage that he was desperate (blaming the M for all of his financial stress. In the few months that it took for the financial crisis to lessen, he started to turn his back on MC (and it wasn't really progressing) and act as if our M problems weren't as big a problem.
Anyway, all this to say that I think I will follow the advice in DR if we have the opportunity to R. Michele W-D advocates couples taking action to address financial problems proactively. If doing that would be a 180 for you, maybe that's a way to deal with this type of trigger? Not saying you took the wrong approach, but my experience with my H is that it's not realistic to expect him to manage his feelings during financial crises, and that we would be better off just being more careful about preventing them (though he blocked me on that too).
Anyway, glad to see that you're piecing and I wish you the best.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
