someone please help

[Gnosis]

UPDATE: i've been listening, reading and listening some more to all the great folks here. Also talking to a DB coach!

OK... but make sure it doesn't go in one ear and out the other...

Wife told a mutual Close friend (who Really cares for us both) that she Has strong feelings for this person in south america.

Again, I swear, it isn't me... On a serious note, take that as the gospel truth. This person is VERY real in her mind. Her feelings for him are also very real.

BTW , she has NO intention of moving there AND he has NO Visa or means to come here.

That visa can be taken care of by her... if she's divorced. So your strategy right now is to drag out the D process for as long as you can.

ANYHOW, our mutual friend said wife also told her she loves me very much but wants to move out.

Then by all means, show her the door and let the REAL world welcome her with open arms and WITHOUT financial support for you. Check out Tridoc's thread and follow the advice he's been getting.

The coach has suggested I really DO a 180 and SHOW my anger and disgust, slam the door, leave the house for a while ...etc.

Follow the Coach's advice. Up to now you've been behaving like a wimp. Man up.

The DB Coach also thinks (knowing my sitch and personality) that if and when my wife brings up her moving out , I say "ok, there's the door" sort of thing and act as if i don't really care.

Preempt this and show her the door and reality ASAP. Why are you waiting for her to get her ducks in a row? Why are you waiting for her to stash some cash and walk when she is good and ready? Are you nuts? Waiting is enabling her to do as she pleases, when she pleases and if she pleases.

THIS all seems doable but Very Hard!!

I hear you, but do you hear the advice you've been given? Your W has ZERO RESPECT for you. If you were a woman would YOU want you?

[rob668]

leaving the house now for a few hours. won't answer my phone till later. i'll text her that i'll be back later.

[rob668]

12 :15 am I'm home now after a few hours out with a friend. Wife didn't even ask where i was. Going to bed now. God please give me strength.

[Gnosis]

You don't know what to do? How about starting off with this:

1) Cut off the phone line.
2) Cancel your Internet subscription at home.

or 3) Change the computer passwords.

Have you or are you going to do this?

[rob668]

she only use Her cellphone. going to work now....will be back later. Thanks

[rob668]

I made myself scarce last nite...talking with a friend. I came home 12 :15 am , wife was watching tv with dog, then turned in for bed. I PLAN to make myself scarce again tonite going to a meditation group.

[Gnosis]

What are you doing to bust the affair?

[rob668]

Looking to the board for some help here. The DB coach with whom i've had several convos ,(and knows my personality fairly well based on our talks) has made a few suggestions. The DB coach thinks that perhaps a real 180 FOR ME (not necessarily some one else in DB) would be to show a real reaction . something like raising my voice ,slamming the door, smashing the phone ,and storming out! Really out of character for me And difficult!. I need some more guidance on this, but i can't easily pick up the phone and talk to the coach. Appointments are not that easy to get and it is costly(but worth it).

[Gnosis]

Hellooooooo..... are you listening? I don't think so...

I answered your question before.

RE-READ your thread you've received all the advice you need.

As long as you are enabling her affair in any way, means or form you can throw as many tantrums as you want and it will fall on deaf ears.

Maybe I need to get more brutal with you. WAKE THE F UP!!!!

Your W is getting HER needs met by OM while she is living under your F'g roof. She gets to do whatever the F she wants, whenever she wants while you pay for everything. If I was her I'd stick around and leach off you for eternity and then some... until her OM finds a way to physically get into her pants. And when he does you're history! Do you F'g get it?

I'm late to the party (your thread) and it looks like everyone else has gone home. Since you're not listening and I'm wasting my valuable time I think it's time for me to go too.

WAKE THE F UP!!!!

I'll repeat my question once more because I don't have the patience to read your thread:

What are you doing and have you done to BUST the affair?

[Gnosis]

Listen Rob, I know you're new at this. Self-doubt consumes you. Fear controls you. You're neck deep in confusion and are trying the nice guy way to weasel your W back into the M.

This does not work.