You are right! I thought about it several times. I stopped snooping, have no idea where he is staying and it's unbelievable the weight it has lifted off my shoulder. I have been able to completely avoid his ups and downs of daily life by going dark. He will let me know when he's ready for me to go a little lighter I think.
Nothing much going on here at the homefront. I still have not been served with separation papers. I was actually waiting on them because I figured by now he would want to get things underway since he was so adamant about divorce. He also has not listed our marital residence a month after our realtor friend came over. I made it very clear to him since the beginning that if he wanted this divorce, I was in NO WAY helping him by filing or listing the property. I am already stressed enough and frankly to take that on and not really want it just felt wrong.
I hadn't heard from my H in two days over the weekend. He was supposedly out of town visiting his family, but I'm not sure if I really buy that one. He called last night over something stupid and I ended the conversation quickly. He wanted to tell me he was bringing our roommate home because he was ill and just wanted to make sure I was home. I was a little irritated about this because I have no one to take care of at this point but me, myself, and I. To call and expect me to do this for "his" friend that he let move into our home a week before he dropped the bomb on me. Akward having him here to say the very least, but he will be gone at the end of the month *fingers crossed*.
He sent me an email this morning stating he was having a bad day after only brief encounters with me over the past 2 weeks. I replied by sending him some cute pictures of our dogs I had taken in the last week and said maybe these would cheer him up. He thanked me and said he really "needed that" this morning. Perhaps trouble in paradise with the OW????
Remember that he is depressed so the act of serving you with papers or listing the house is at best difficult for him to do. A depressed person doesn't have the energy to do these things. You might be right that there is trouble in paradise as far as the OW is concerned. Keep your expectations low. Stay dark and stay strong.
Thanks OP! I really needed to be reminded to keep expectations at zero. The phone call from him last night was truly pointless for him to make. I, as well as confidants that know about the whole situation, see it as a bit of an excuse to speak to me. Before all this happened, we were truly best friends. I think he may miss that a little bit, but not nearly as much as I do. For now, I'm standing still and waiting....
Thanks OP! I really needed to be reminded to keep expectations at zero.
You need to remind yourself of this daily.
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The phone call from him last night was truly pointless for him to make. I, as well as confidants that know about the whole situation, see it as a bit of an excuse to speak to me.
This often happens. I have been D'd for roughly nine months and this has been going on for a couple of years. I received four phone calls last night alone. Each involved and single question mixed with small talk.
DO NOT be available all of the time. Do not take every call.
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For now, I'm standing still and waiting....
If you wish to wait, good for you, but do NOT, I repeat do NOT stand still. Make positive changes, try something different. (a new experience) it doesn't have to involve someone else. This is YOUR time to learn, grow and become a better person.
You must change as well in order to make it through this. Both of you need to change.
I'll be on tonight. Hopefully all of my technical difficulties are behind me. I was on last night playing some COD4. Awesome!!!
CG,
Your H is like a child in certain ways. You are his security blanket at times. Will he ever admit he needs his blanky? ....Hell no. His actions tell a different story. Many of them will do this. It's good to get out and do your own thing and not be available all the time. Give him the time and space that he need to finish growing up.
I sense irony here! Poor choice of words on my part. I have been GAL-ing. I'm gone most times, connecting with old friends, making new ones and picking up new hobbies. I try to stay busy so that way I don't sit at home thinking and analyzing. Other close to me and family are actually very shocked at how I have handled this one. I tend to be very aggressive (raised that way in a home full of males and always been in a high pressure career) and generally don't get railroaded like this situation appears on the surface. I have handled most of this with a reasonable amount of patience and dignity (90% of the time) and mostly void of anger (what I show anyway). Don't get me wrong, there are lots of tears cried in private and a lot of cursing H out while I am alone, but I'm trying to stay calm and keep it all together. Fake it 'til you make it right? Some days are better than others.
The funny thing is, I heard about affairs in our circle of friends and I always said to myself, "I would never take that and I would leave him so fast his head would spin". Sounds cheesy, but I really know what unconditional love is for perhaps the first time in my life. Why else would I continue to keep standing up for this M? Also, I think I love myself more than I ever have before, only realizing this after detaching and realizing my H's affair and MLC was about him and not all my fault. I blamed myself initially and scrutinized my shortcomings to the point I could barely function during a day. I had always been independent, but I lost a little bit of that when I got married. I've rediscovered that independence again and know that I can make it on my own if I have to.
Just a few things that I have learned so far from this journey.... At least there is a silver lining to every sh*t storm!
I sense irony here! Poor choice of words on my part. I have been GAL-ing. I'm gone most times, connecting with old friends, making new ones and picking up new hobbies.
LOL! Good for you, yeah I sensed that but wanted to get across how important all that GAL stuff really is. Not to sound harsh but life must go on and it can, even if you're waiting to see how all this plays out.
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Don't get me wrong, there are lots of tears cried in private and a lot of cursing H out while I am alone, but I'm trying to stay calm and keep it all together. Fake it 'til you make it right? Some days are better than others.
Excellent! You must get this all out, it is a process. You are absolutely correct in not letting him see this. Exactly, some days ARE better than others. Those tough days are the days you dig a little deeper. They get shorter and less frequent as time goes on.
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The funny thing is, I heard about affairs in our circle of friends and I always said to myself, "I would never take that and I would leave him so fast his head would spin". Sounds cheesy, but I really know what unconditional love is for perhaps the first time in my life.
It's easy to speculate having never been in this position. Forgiveness is key and it is done daily as well. You have to keep reminding yourself of this too when the anger starts to creep in.
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Why else would I continue to keep standing up for this M? Also, I think I love myself more than I ever have before, only realizing this after detaching and realizing my H's affair and MLC was about him and not all my fault. I blamed myself initially and scrutinized my shortcomings to the point I could barely function during a day. I had always been independent, but I lost a little bit of that when I got married. I've rediscovered that independence again and know that I can make it on my own if I have to.
Just a few things that I have learned so far from this journey.... At least there is a silver lining to every sh*t storm!
Perfect! You sound wonderful right now. Take it one day at a time and stay focused on you.
