Don't know where to post this.

[Gnosis]

I have told her that happiness comes from within and external validation cannot create true happiness.

I am trying to get her to see the good about herself and use that to balance the bad so that she may start to be happy about herself again.

Believe me when I tell you that you're going to say this a million times. It will only register for a brief moment. Only when she truly and honestly goes to work in IC will she start to recover from this. (I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE)

I am keeping the childlike state of mind in memory while talking to her.

Please do because part of her mind is still the age she was when she was abused. It has not grown or matured. Her perception of self is going to be the biggest obstacle to overcome.

With that in mind... do whatever you can to bust up that affair ASAP. Disregard her anger. Disregard her threats. Do whatever is needed to accomplish that goal. Only when the OM is completely out of the picture will your journey start.

but still even today (child like state of mind) wants me to take care of taxes, lawyer, C, etc.

Sorry, that's out of the question. She needs to and has to learn to take care of those things for herself. She has rejected you as a partner. These are the consequences....

Boundary: If you are involved with OM, I feel like I don't have a W and you have abandoned me. I want you to start acting like my W again and get rid of him. If you continue your relationship with him I cannot and will not be there for you. You will have to do XYZ all on your own.

That boundary will trigger her rejection issues, but it will also give her the choice. So you will not be abandoning her, she is abandoning you. See the difference?

Use reverse psychology to turn her fears against her. Nasty, I know, but necessary in your sitch. If you have any questions on the phrasing before you voice your boundaries, run them past here first.