She thinks mom, dad, and the op three states away will take care of her...I really do not get it because she says she wants to stand on her own two feet but she half ass looks for work. I think she is hoping that is after a month or two of not having work she can lie to her parents and say there are no jobs up here take me in...She is good at that with her parents.
I really do not get it because she says she wants to stand on her own two feet but she half ass looks for work. I think she is hoping that is after a month or two of not having work she can lie to her parents and say there are no jobs up here take me in...She is good at that with her parents.
Well, if you get divorced, that won't be your problem.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
True...she says she wants to watch me for a while and then make a decision. Says she has to work on herself for a while so I am giving her space. Just seems like she resents me for beginning to take care of myself. How do you answer that. I do not want to divorce. I want to change me and hopefully save my marriage. The changes are for me but I also do not want to cause more damage.
Right now we are living in the same house when I am off work.
Tell your W if she wants to "watch you" for a while while she is deciding that is fine. Let her know YOU have decided that while she is watching she will also need to start taking care of her own bills and money. Give her the amount require for the Feb bills that are due on Feb 1. Let her watch and decide while she is working.
Why does a grown married woman have a cell phone paid for by her mom?
She wants separate phones and her credit is wrecked...I had decided to pay rent, utilities ( except for internet because I am not going to pay for her to video chat and cybersex with OM) and food when I am there. The rest she is going to have to handle. She wants make up get a job...she wants a movie get a job...I just know she is resentful because things have started working out for me in the workforce and she is already upset about nothing to do. I am going to do what I have to do to be a better more healthy man but at the same time I do not want to come off as trying to do these things to get to her. Make sense? I know her first remark will be it must be nice to go out. Quit trying to make me feel bad and manipulate me. She still hasn't really gotten the fact that I am changing for me. Regardless of how OR comes out I know I have to come out walking on my own two feet.
Wife just left a message. I guess she went and checked my profile and wanted to talk about my headline. Had nothing to do with her, had to do with the way I hate kids get treated sometimes. She asked if she could call tonight so we can talk about it. Said she wanted to know if she did something wrong...I think I may avoid this situation. I will just reassure her it is not about her and then cut the conversation short. She doesn't know what to do with me right now apparently. I guess that is good.
Yeah I know some of the mystery is not really putting myself out there anymore...She is losing where I am at. Of course she also tries to say that these changes are good because it means I am not wanting to be with her anymore. I just told her I need to do me right now.I did not tell her just because I am moving on does not mean I do not want her. I am finding out though that I want her I do not need her. I am already becoming my own person and it feels good.
She will initiate RESPECTFUL conversation a little more...got it. I will choose two or three to really focus on. Thanks Gardner.
You're welcome. But as far as "got it," goes, don't take my or anyone's advice as 'marching orders'. Make sure you're weighing all the advice, tips, etc., that you're getting on these boards, and deciding what fits or feels right in your sitch.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
