Please help! I have a Walk Away Wife...

[hopingforhope32]

Did good...Had a phone conversation with WAW a few minutes ago about the bank account...I answered her questions and then cut the conversation short before she had the chance. I did not say or look for I love you either. It's a start...I will not call at all today or tonight. I am going to work on missing her next couple of calls and see what happens. She is already trying to act as if she does not care what I do so maybe space is good. I will follow with my goals when I get home. Any advice or critique on them is welcome.

[Gardener]

hforh,

I think the only thing I need to take care of for are the rent, utilities and food.

Yep. Don't subsidize anything. I would ask her each and every day what action she took that day to find a job - any job -and what her job-hunting plans are for tomorrow. Be ready for a possible I-need-the-internet-for-job-search. She can go to the library for that.

She said she wants to learn how to stand on her own two feet

Feed this line back to her when she complains about internet, no job, anything $-related. If she complains some more, tell her, "I am not going to subsidize being dishonored in my own home," and disengage, leave.

Sorry to sound so jaded it is just that if I don't vent somewhere it will come out there and I do not want that.

You don't sound too jaded. Vent away.

PLEASE help...All of a sudden I am REALLY emotional and very unsure of things and how to handle them...I know this is part of the process but I am not even sure how to handle things when I get home Friday all of a sudden or what to do until then with all of this. Sorry if I seem weak but I know if I do not reach out or get it out here I will screw things up majorly. I am enjoying the changes in me and that is why I am changing but I still get these overwhelming feelings especially when it comes to her and OM.

Normal. I've found an immediate change in activity and location helps with that. If possible STOP what you're doing, go somewhere else. Get removed. Get active, physically. You are the only one in your situation who is doing anything positive. What you're doing is honorable. You are a man with a plan. Remind yourself of that. Review your plan. Review the very real and surprisingly many improvements, plans, actions and behaviors have entered your life situation in a very short period of time.

[hopingforhope32]

Thanks Gardner...It helps...Do you have any feedback on the goals I listed?

[hopingforhope32]

Yes! I now have something else to keep me occupied when at home from work...I play hand drums in several styles and I have just joined a local area drum circle that meets a few times every month. Also I am going to get back into martial arts. After all I will have the money to pay the bills, save, and have a little left over so why not use it to make a life for myself and get into things I would enjoy. This way it keeps me busy, makes me mysterious, and hopefully brings some satisfaction to me.

I saw several places where we are asked why did our S fall in love with us in the first place. When we met I was a very spiritually open, open minded, strong person. We first met where some friends of mine and I were playing music. I have not played in months and I miss it so it is time to pick it back up. The martial arts are something I loved as a kid and I miss the mental and physical grounding it gave me.

Only things is I am not sure if this will bring her to resent me more or start seeing the man she married because she has made several comments that she resents me because our mutual friends like me ( says she knows the real me), because she wants a life and to start getting out and she is stuck because of no money ( Funny EA is not providing that but she says he will get a career and take care of her...RIGHT), she also said she is resentful of me because things have been working in my favor in life with the new job and being able to get my own car. She thinks sitting down doing nothing sending positive thoughts into the air will bring it to her. She is forgetting how hard I had to work to get these things and that not only myself but her and her daughter were motivation as well. Maybe she is more upset with the fact that I am content with these accomplishments...I do not want to cause resentment but I do want to do these things, They are part of who I am...Advice?

Do something different right? Well here goes. Let me know what you think and thanks again.

[Gardener]

Thanks Gardner...It helps...Do you have any feedback on the goals I listed?

Only this:
2) She will initiate respectful conversation a little more.
The rest are good. I might concentrate on two or maybe three until they become second nature then take on some more.

[hopingforhope32]

She will initiate RESPECTFUL conversation a little more...got it. I will choose two or three to really focus on. Thanks Gardner.

Okay anyone have thoughts on staying occupied and my concerns listed there, how to handle them and maybe some suggestions?

One thing today...Making the decisions to do something for myself felt really good! Working out is paying of too. Did my ab ripper today and once I was done I actually am starting to look different now. A little ripped...This made me feel REALLY good and I think my self confidence is coming back some.

Well any suggestions on how to handle my concerns on my post about joining the drum circle and martial arts are welcome. I needem. Thanks

[hopingforhope32]

Also what do you say when you come in and they ask where were you. I do know my wife well enough that when I say out she will say it must be nice I don't get to go anywhere....hence more resentment. I do not want her thinking I am doing these things to lash out at her.

[TrentC]

I do know my wife well enough that when I say out she will say it must be nice I don't get to go anywhere....hence more resentment.

Why doesn't she get to go out anywhere?

[hopingforhope32]

She does not have a job or a babysitter at the moment. But even before all of this she would complain about it and refuse to go anywhere. She hated being home when I was at work but she hates being around other people too. I really do not understand it. Also I think she may be addicted to the computer because that is her LIFE. Right now though she is mad because she does not have money.

[TrentC]

And that situation is going to improve for her how, if you get divorced?