Future... we would all have liked to save our marriages. I know.
My attny said something to me early on and it made LOTS of sense. He said (obviously) the legal side of divorce is not the same of the emotional side of divorce. And sometimes they do spill over and that is why you need an attny. He told me that you need to handle the legal side as if there is no way in hell your marriage will be saved. PERIOD. He wasn't implying to be ugly or mean or nasty but his point was to let him handle the "dirty work" so my time/energy/mindset is free to focus on other things.
Divorce, legal separation and the divisions of assets is a major pain in the ass BUT it's all just paperwork and can easily be reversed should things turn around for you. If they don't turn around for you then you aren't walking away with nothing because your W decided she wasn't "in love".
I know this kind of talk is not welcomed on this board but the reality of it all is not many marriages are saved. My attny told me every so often he will have a client and they do call off the divorce/separation during legal proceedings. And sadly he says within a year or two those same people are back in his office ready for round 2.
My attny is also a mediator (but he can't do both if he reps one spouse) and he won't even take on clients to mediate unless they both have their own legal counsel. I hate to say you made mistakes because I understand why you did what you did and I know you have children. But you have to start thinking in a legal sense and stop thinking about "saving the marriage".
If you still want to work on saving the marriage then get yourself a good attny to deal with the legal stuff and bow out of mediation. In this state it is really hard to do both (work on marriage and legal stuff) because EVERY damn thing you do is examined in the LEGAL sense even if it *was* to save the marriage.
