Running out of time.

[Cie la vie]

Kemper,

How does your snooping affect you?

Honestly it can affect me differently depending on the information I uncover. For the most part it is more damaging to my psyche than anything else. So the truth be told I am better off not doing it. The only real benefit to me is having evidence to prove my case to friends, neighbors etc. who have only heard her side of the story as to why she filed for divorce. I haven't told anyone outside of my family and closest friends about her A which is the overriding reason she won't consider working things out. I'm afraid those who only know her story are likely to dismiss my story as sour grapes and concrete evidence to the contray will give my story validity when and if I decide to air it.

What would happen if you let the nanny go?

First thing that happens is I save $1,500/month or I would have saved $6,750 over the last 4.5 months. I may have been asleep at the switch on this one. Her argument is that she will be back at work sooner rather than later and letting our nannies (one workd mwf the other works t&th)go would likely mean not getting them back when she does start work and our children are very attached to them. Had I known she would be out of work for this long I would have addressed it differently. Part of the problem was getting served with D papers through me for a loop and my focus has been rather scattered. No excuse but an excuse none the less. If everything had been normal in our marriage I'm quite sure I would have acted differntly. Nothing I can do about the past but I will address the future in this regard if she doesn't have a job by Feb. the nannies will need to go or she can pick up the friggen tab. I'm sure her lawyer will have something to say about that idea.

While you might be attached to the house it is just a material item that can be replaced by another material item. What can't be replaced is mommy and daddy having a happy R/M and the children seeing that and experiencing it. That is what concerns me the most. Every single material item we have can be replaced by another. My "family" cannot be replaced.

All very true and needless to say the destruction of the family unit is the real tradegy here. The loss of the house does chap my ass because we have spent the last 3+ years and 90k on remodeling the kitchen, replacing old windows, new connected electrical panel, relandscaped the backyard, stucco'd the garage, painting etc. Our house was dialed in for the future and now someone else will get to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Hard for me to let that go. Oh well.

With regard to my divorce/mediation process and selling of the home I am trying to decide if I should put the onus on the W to keep things moving forward or if I should continue to press forward. I believe if I leave it up to her it will limp along more slowly. The thought being time may be my friend in the long run, again with the ill advised hope that her A will end and we might have shot a putting our marriage back together and all that goes with it.

My attorney feels I should get the best deal I can NOW and get it finalized because she feels that WHEN not IF the A collaspes my W may take a different stand on the settlement agreement and not to my benefit. She bases this on her experience with several cases where the W realized she had cheapened herself and the backlash was focused on the H. I didn't get her to elaborate on this as it was an email exchange.