I am saddened to read your tale. I have not talked with you before, but understand where you are. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. There is no reason sometimes, they just do..
That said, you don't need pity. You need to find something that will motivate you.
You have lost it all, it would seem, and that is my worst fear.
However, I have come to accept that I may loose it all, and that I will be fine. It won't be permanent unless I let it.
What do you have still. Start there, rather than what you don't have. You have your health. You have your kids still, though you may not be in contact with them. Immediate family that has taken you in. Something as simple as that and your current internet connection and the willingness to put your thoughts on this forum is a small step in the right direction.
Everything you have listed is not a permanent situation. Look at it closely. It is temporary. Only you will keep it permanent without moving forward in some small way for yourself.
My thoughts are with you, and hope you find peace and will to get up and move!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
