Don't know where to post this.

[MichelleLT]

Now you have to make her believe it with your actions. Keep following through. Keep working on you. Hope the IC helps both of you.

Keep reminding yourself. Her ACTIONS not her words will show you her intentions. Don't believe what she says, and as Michele says in a couple of books, only believe half of what she does.

You WILL be fine no matter what.

[loveherstill]

Thank you MichelleLT.

The other thing that she has said time and again is that it is unfair that I am making all of these changes in me now instead of years ago when she first asked. It makes her angry.

I have told her that I was sorry but I had to hit rock bottom before I could truly see the faults that I had and the changes that I had to make.

[TrentC]

Thank you MichelleLT.

The other thing that she has said time and again is that it is unfair that I am making all of these changes in me now instead of years ago when she first asked. It makes her angry.

I have told her that I was sorry but I had to hit rock bottom before I could truly see the faults that I had and the changes that I had to make.

Anger is a normal response, but she won't stay angry at you forever. The important thing is to make sure those changes stick, so once she's over the anger she may come to appreciate the new and improved you.

[MichelleLT]

Trent is right. That angry "why didn't you listen earlier" is absolutely, totally, 110% normal. She will eventually move through that.

Just stick to your guns.

[TrentC]

Trent is right. That angry "why didn't you listen earlier" is absolutely, totally, 110% normal.

I would say that I've heard that once or twice in the past few months.

[MichelleLT]

That you are right?

[Gnosis]

LHS I haven't been of any help to you. All I asked you to do was THINK...

With that I'll leave you with a template for setting and enforcing boundaries:

Setting: When you _____, I feel ______, I want __________ .
Enforcing: if you ______ I will __________ .

I'd like you to consider that your W has a childlike mind.
She will need disciplining.
She WILL be testing your boundaries.
She WILL need to be reprimanded by you ENFORCING your boundaries.
Remember, boundaries are for YOU and how YOU want to be treated.

Here's a boundary that you should have set the minute she lay a hand on you:

When you hit me and lash out in anger, I feel you're taking advantage of me because you know I will not strike you back. I want this to stop from this point forward. If you ever lay a hand on me again I will call the police and lay charges against you. It's not something that I want to do.

[Gnosis]

The other thing that she has said time and again is that it is unfair that I am making all of these changes in me now instead of years ago when she first asked. It makes her angry.

When my W used those words my response was:

"Life isn't fair. I'm doing this for ME not you. Deal with it."

A little passive aggressive I suppose, but she got the point and I didn't show weakness.

[TrentC]

That you are right?

No, I hear that far less. :P

[MichelleLT]

Trent - LOL Well, you got one already this month then.

LHS - Something that validates is fine (more along the lines of "I understand why you feel that way" rather than "I'm sorry"). I think you started to get at what Gnosis said, but weren't as blunt.

I missed the hitting thing somehow. That's obviously an important boundary.