Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Hi Rocked - good to hear from you again.
Big test for me today is to see how is the anxiety at work. So far so good but it is early. Sticking with the advice but still hate the counter-intuitive. Seeing TMs back and forth between W and female friend of hers with wife saying "how sweet" it was that friends husband sent her flowers. I know better than to do that, but I still wish I had that opprotunity.

I did miss an opportunity last night. I lost track of the time and didn't realize it was late and therefore didn't just unannouced go set up the computer in the basement. Instead, W sent me an e-mail asking if I was going to come set it up, we needed to start getting ready for bed.

I did not sleep well at all last night, don't know why exactly, but W did seem to sleep well which frankly I'm perplexed by. Even when she was getting steady does of contact from OM, she was not sleeping. She told me she didn't sleep on her trip, but now back home and two nights in a row.

We did workout this morning...didn't get a noticeable positive response or change in attitude like I did 2 weeks ago when we first were going to start. No hug goodbye, still no pysical contact at all since she returned (other than accidentally when I rolled over in sleep and put hand on her shoulder and she then rolled away)

One odd question last night as we were getting ready for bed. She asked me if both our vehicles were in my name, I answered honestly that I don't remember. She says the wife of the deceased can't get her tags renewed because vehicle in deceased name and my W was worried of something like that if I passed away. I know I shouldn't analyze things, but if W planning on D soon, then why would that matter?

I will not initiate any contact today. I can do that again. As counter-intuitive as it feels.

Being mysterious is going to be much, much, tougher with her back home. I can see the disadvantage of us still being under one roof and sleeping in the same bedroom...and that is the mysterious/available part. Avaialable I can still do. Last night I did something I would have never done, even before there were issues. She put in a load of laundry and then went to the basement. I didn't put it in the dryer. She forgot as I knew she would. Didn't get the clothes into the dryer until this morning. Little things like that I can do.