Don't know where to post this.

[loveherstill]

Thank you all. I told her this weekend that I did not need her that I instead wanted her and that there is a huge difference. She said she thought I just wanted to save the marriage for financial reasons. I reminded her that without the family there during the week to occupy my mind all I would have to do during the week is work (I would go out on the weekends) and my income would go up, so financially divorce would be good. I told her that I could not stop her from filing and if that is what she had to to so be it. I told her that I did not intend on sharing her and that I would not wait forever for her, the day is fast approaching when I will begin dating. I told her that if she wanted to work on a R for our M I would be here to listen to what she says and if she is serious we could continue.

She is now in semi-panic mode and is reaching out to me more than ever. She is inviting me over, wanting to jointly take the kids out, and wanting to talk about our relationship more than ever.

When I told her these things she at first became physically violent (closed fist to the face 5 or 6 times), I guess when you break script they really panic. After several hours she called to apologize and has been trying to get me to spend ever increasing amounts of time with her. I have went with her one time to take the children to a indoor playground and gym. I made sure the day was 100% about the children.

I have heard from mutual friends that she is thinking more about R than ever now and that she is wondering just how big of a mistake she has made.

On another note, she did ask me why and how I could want her back after all she has done. I simply told her because I was not perfect either and we both made many mistakes and that I loved her.

I reminded her that their would be no R without independent couselling for both of us as we both have major issues to sort out. I also reminded her that no else could ever make her happy, because happiness comes from within. I am now much happier since I realize some of my issues and am trying to work on them.

She asked how I gave up my addictions to my cell phone (answering business calls 24/7, now I shut it off) and web surfing (linux forums and whatreallyhappened). I told her that the little time we do spend together or the time I spend with the kids is more important than any of that. She said she is trying to break her texting addiction and her addiction to OM. She thinks that it is just because of a need for external validation (amen). She has started seeking external validation from old high school friends and work friends that are so highly unattractive that she would consider them untouchable. I wonder if this is a misplaced effort to replace the need for OM.

We had several positives. I was kind and held her in a hug while she asked questions and cried but I did not bend to her will. I let her know that I would be strong and here for her if she wanted but that I would be more than ok without her.

I know that I have to work on the rest of the advice and that I am still learning. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I have been a POS at times during this marriage and I am in IC to work on that. My W sees changes and likes them but I feel and have heard from her friends that she is afraid to come back right now because she feels she has nothing to bring back of value to the M. She feels less than human and does not think she deserves a second chance (she has said it often). I hold much hope. Our next MC is Jan 26th and her IC starts Feb 3rd.

It is truely amazing how just telling her I would be ok without her and that I had no control over what she decided but would not stand in her way made a huge difference in her thought process.

I will continue to read, study, and learn. Please continue to give advice, chew on me, 2X4 me, kick my a$$, or anything else you feel needs done so that I learn.

I will give my address if you need to do it in person. I am dead serious about wanting to save my M and to do that I must save me first.

Sandi2, Gucci, Gnosis, Michelle, Dudess, Puppy, Trentc, Robx, and all; I thank you and ask that you please do not give up on this stubborn, slow man.