hey, are you afraid to tell him if he does not contact you within 30 minutes after his time starts that you will go on with your day plans? otherwise, your going to be asking every single time.
Im not afraid to ask...just afraid of it not being the right thing and somehow it comes back to bite me. Our papers are rather vague so I am not sure if I can start changing things and making demands without making sure its ok.
This is what our papers state:
" Respondent's visitation time is between 3-6 P.M. He can stay minimum of 30 minutes to a maximum of 3 hours. Respondent (exh) must contact Petitioner (me) and let her know when he is coming."
So nowhere does it state that I can just assume his silence means he is not coming nor does it say when he has to contact me. Does that make sense?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
well that sucks. well, guess in a way that gives him the right to let you know in your last 30 minutes, or it leaves that loophole for him to do that. I would call the attorney or whomever and ask what you can do, or if you can change it because that is not fair to you. Or just make that time your cleaning house time, doing laundry, that kind of stuff. is it just once a week?
looks like the last txt went okay. too bad he can't get off his depression and start being a father. that is sad. but perhaps when you continue to live a healthy life and eventually things around him will keep deteriorating, maybe he will learn. ? who knows. I would keep encouraging him when he does things right though. if he comes to visit, take a picture of them and tell him how great it will be to show the picture to her when she's older, or tell him how she missed him, or whatever. only about baby though, nothing about you.
some of you may totally disagree, but I say this because this man is going to be in your D's life forever. do you want a pathetic man or a healthy man? a healthy R between him and your D, or a pathetic R? Obviously you want a healthy R and you want him to be a good dad! So, encourage the little tiny good that he does so that it can grow.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Wow, you are getting tougher SO2. I am seeing growth here. I am impressed. I wonder if that kick boxing class has anything to do with it. Keep holding your ground. He will start respecting you for it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
No its 4 times a week! Most days its ok...but there are some days (like yesterday) I would like to do stuff if he isn't coming.
Originally Posted By: K4D
Wow, you are getting tougher SO2. I am seeing growth here. I am impressed. I wonder if that kick boxing class has anything to do with it. Keep holding your ground. He will start respecting you for it.
Kevin
HAHA! I don't know but I do think about exh when I am doing the class at certain points. I do think the exercise and putting my own needs first does help as well.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
" Respondent's visitation time is between 3-6 P.M. He can stay minimum of 30 minutes to a maximum of 3 hours. Respondent (exh) must contact Petitioner (me) and let her know when he is coming."
I don't understand that part, so if he comes he's required to stay at least 30minutes...Aren't there times you've said he only stays like 10?
Last edited by volleydog; 01/19/1004:04 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
" Respondent's visitation time is between 3-6 P.M. He can stay minimum of 30 minutes to a maximum of 3 hours. Respondent (exh) must contact Petitioner (me) and let her know when he is coming."
I don't understand that part, so if he comes he's required to stay at least 30minutes...Aren't there times you've said he only stays like 10?
Yes there are times that he only stays a few minutes. I document them all...when he comes and how long he stays.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Isn't he violating the agreement if he only stays a few? Maybe something to talk to your lawyer about so you can get more specific language to help yourself not wait around all afternoon for a no-show or a few minute visit...
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Isn't he violating the agreement if he only stays a few? Maybe something to talk to your lawyer about so you can get more specific language to help yourself not wait around all afternoon for a no-show or a few minute visit...
I did talk to my attorney awhile back about the coming and staying only minutes and he said for me just to write it down for the future if/when he takes me back to court for unsupervised time to show that his isn't really that interested in her if he stays minutes. He told me not to say anything to exh so he won't change anything. I guess it makes him look pretty bad.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
just to write it down for the future if/when he takes me back to court for unsupervised time to show that his isn't really that interested in her
What if he never takes you back to court? I understand not wanting to go back twice if you take him for this and later he takes you...but...You don't want to waste years of afternoons either.
Not trying to be argumentative, he just seems like maybe someone who talks about doing things like that (full custody) but might not follow through with the work needed to do it.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Not trying to be argumentative, he just seems like maybe someone who talks about doing things like that (full custody) but might not follow through with the work needed to do it.
Yeah I get that...I am going to talk about this with him face to face (not text) when he comes the next time. Going to politely ask that he let me know ahead of time when he is coming and also if he isn't going to make it. I know what his answer will be..."well, I have no idea because of work and/or what his other kids are doing" He won't want to pin down times. But its worth a shot.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
