Flushing the toxins from my life

[CountingCrows]

Thanks Awoken. I need to catch up with your thread. I've fallen behind on quite a few of them lately.

I agree that it applies in my situation. I absolutely would have to have a totally different R than the one that our dead marriage was based on. It wasn't healthy for me or S7. However, I don't believe that W is capable or willing to make the changes necessary to start a new R on a healthy ground.

Not sure if I mentioned it earlier, but to add pressure to W's situation, she lost her job last Monday and has had very little luck finding something quickly to replace it. My opinion is that she hasn't put much effort into the search. That's always been a problem in the past. She's spent the last 6 years saying "I'm going to get a job. / I'm going to start school." I've always been supportive and encouraging, but her fear of failure or her laziness and procrastination always seemed to keep her from achieving this goal. In the process, it's put extreme financial pressure on me to solely support our family.

Now, it seems that she wants to be able to divorce, but still have me support her in this manner, even when she's not willing to do whatever it takes to get a job and do things for herself. Sorry, I completely understand pride and everything, but I'd flip burgers at McDonald's if I had no other choice and needed a job quickly to support myself. Pride goes out the window, when it becomes about survival.

I received a txt message from W around 1am this morning. She was letting me know that her mother had attempted suicide yesterday. W and her mom are estranged because of her mother's deep and troubling mental problems and unresolved issues from many years ago when W was a child. W has always feared becoming like her mother, and in many ways has followed in her steps. On top of everything else that has W going on in her mind, this may be the final straw for her. It would affect me HUGELY, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if W ended up in a institution or casket before it's all over.

Tomorrow's our first hearing, and I don't expect W to agree to sign the Temporary Order that I gave her last night. It's going to end up being ugly and costing me a bunch of money that I don't have to spend. On top of that, I dread that the civility and "friendship" that I hoped could remain between us is completely going out the window, which will make things worse not only for me, but for S7 as well.

Speaking of S7, I am getting referrals and recommendations for ICs, as I think it'd be in his best interest to receive some counseling at least short-term to help him process everything is going on. I'm going to follow suit as well, since I don't feel like I'm doing very good myself these days either.