True, true. We've had a lot of crap thrown at us, but we're doing pretty well considering.
Some days are harder than others. Today I'm listening to my 'sad songs' playlist full of Van Morrison and Vince Gill and trying not to think about H skiing today (we always skied on Sundays) and knowing he's probably with OW on our favorite runs. But I have my kids this weekend and we've been having some fun watching old movies like Die Hard. They ditched me on NYE and it wasn't any fun bringing in the new year by myself, but things were better in the morning (THEY ALWAYS ARE!). I've been repainting my kitchen cabinets this weekend. H would laugh because this is the fourth paint job and he was always so patient with my fickleness over colors. I chose a creamy white this time that should be neutral enough to accomodate my mood.
I took a big step forward yesterday when I called the cc companies that my H hasn't been paying on. The bills were in my name b/c I had the credit established when we got married, so I'm legally responsible for the charges. H was over 3 months behind on them and while he kept assuring me he'd take care of them, he hasn't. So, I picked up the phone yesterday and made payment arrangements with them. Then I emailed and texted H to let him know I'd set up pymts and he could pay me instead. I said matter of factly, let me know know when and what you can pay, and he wrote right back that he could pay me on the 15th.
I wonder what is going through his head (and this is where I falter sometimes in GAL). Does he feel bad about not owning up to his responsibilities, with the bills, or contacting his stepkids that he's known for 10 years? Does he wish things were different, does he see anyway out of his sitch with OW? Who knows and I try not to obsess about this stuff.
As I typed that paragraph, Darius Rucker's song "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" came on. Haha. It goes... "don't think I don't think about it, don't think I don't have regrets, don't think you don't get to me...". Good song!
With respect to your H and his responsibilities, we don't know what goes on in their pretty little heads, do we?
I love Darius Rucker. His voice is kinda sexy!!
Good job on the kitchen cupboards. The good thing about paint is that it is a cheap way to experiment with color until you get what you really want. I usually have to see about a zillion colors before I can decide. I hope it turns out great!
My best laid plans aren't working out so well this weekend, but maybe it's for the best. I intended to finish up my kitchen cabinet paint job today and ski tmrw, but this morning the washer downstairs overflowed and I've been using the wet vac all morning. I've got really old carpet downstairs and a half full dumpster just down the street. So maybe instead of skiing tmrw, I'm supposed to really get the house in good shape and continue my little changes to start the year off well with a clean, fresh look.
I missed H this morning, but I can handle this. H would have known just what to do and taken control of the situation. But I can figure this stuff out. It's just stupid stuff like the wet padding under the carpet... I sucked the water out and have a fan blowing on it now, but it takes me twice as long to figure out what to do.
But I'm getting stronger. I need some info on the furnace but rather than getting ahold of H (my first instinct), I'm going to google it and then phone a male friend if necessary.I always feel good when I accomplish things on my own, but my first thought is always of H and how I wish my former partner was here - physically, emotionally, and all the rest. But I'm carrying on, and doing alright.
Hope to cut some tree limbs for firewood today too - that should make me feel empowered!
Well, my home improvement plans were cut short when I was greeted at the front door today by a process server. The last of the CC bills in my name that H has neglected decided to sue. And of course that means they served me, not my H that created this entire mess. I was very upset and texted, then called H for an explanation. I wasn't yelling but was sobbing, but he definitely knew I was upset. He said "if I had the money don't you think I would pay the bills?". Um.. no, actually I don't know that. In fact, he is going to WY on a big ski trip tmrw so that explains the lack of funds - but doesn't excuse it. I hope the long road trip gives him some time to think about what he's doing and how it impacts others.
So, I went to my S18's varsity bball game tonight. He started and played well so I'm glad I went. I know things will seem better in the morning, and especially on Monday when I can reach the CC attorney's office and see what options I have. The only way to possibly get H to pay what he should is to file, get D's, then seek a judgment and hope the judge awards garnishment of his wages. Lots of if's and he doesn't really make enough to make this a feasible option. So, I just have to assume responsibility for this bill/suit, as I did for the others H can't manage.
The challenge is to not be bitter, angry, spiteful, etc. I have been in a good place about H - feeling patient, willing to wait for H to work thru his MLC and see what we can rebuild. I am still there, despite the service today, but it's not easy.
Going to church tmrw - they are having a visiting pastor tmrw and I could use some inspiration!
I hope that you can have his wages garnished if neccessary. It would be great if he would just come up withan arrangement to pay down the debt without needing to resort to the court procedure. I don't understand his response becuase he could certainly agreee to pay it down bit by bit if he cannot do so by a one time payment.
You still remain positive and that is great to hear. The challenge to let go of the bitterness etc is very real. In my case I had to decide to let it go because it was making me physically ill. I decided that it was not worth my health to let things affect me that badly.
Just checking in on ya'. Many WAS, I think, are able to justify the things that they are doing...regardless of how right or wrong they are. They tell, and convince themselves, that what they are doing is OK; right or wrong has NOTHING to do with it. There is a HUGE selfishness present on their part. The fact that he's going skiing while you are being sued for problems that he caused says a lot about his mindset. The only things they think about, for the most part anyway, are their own wants and needs. If they destroy a family, a home, etc....they don't care! Anyway, we have no control over them, their thoughts, feelings, or actions anyway...so why bother? It's easier said than done, admittedly, but you'd have to agree that it does make sense? Keep on going.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Thx for stopping by, guys, and your encouraging words.
Today was a good day. I went to church, and Romans 8:28 was the key verse for the serman. Good food for thought about how ALL things work together, including bad things in life (LIKE our sitches). Just a good reminder that God can make good things happen from bad, and I just need to trust Him to take care of me.
I have a friend who adopted a 6 mth old baby with his wife 2 months ago. They are a very nice Christian couple. The mom changed her mind and took the baby back and they were heartbroken, and surely questioning Why?? Well, last week they got a call about a newborn they could adopt, and then on Wed got a call the first mom changed her mind. So, within a week they went from feeling devastated to having two babies! Just goes to show that God is in control, not us, and if we can just be patient and wait on the Lord, He will take care of everything!!
I finished my painting today, took the Christmas tree to a recycling place, tried to cut wood (but it was frozen), and feel really good about my productivity this weekend.
I picked up a Gary Chapman book I wanted to read called Hope for the Separated. I hope it will have some encouraging words.
Life has been busy, which keeps my mind off of H most of the time. I always wake up thinking about him, but then the day begins and I try to keep turning it back over to God when my thoughts move towards "what if's" and "if only's". I don't understand H's choices and I think I've finally stopped trying to figure it out. It's out of my hands and all I can do is continue working on being the best me I can be. I frequently think of 25's advice...
become a woman that only a fool would leave!!!
So, I've been staying busy. Spent a half day trying to get our/scratch that - MY chainsaw working to cut some logs in half for firewood. Read my manual, replaced the spark plug, cleaned the air filter, tightened the chain, etc. But I'm still having trouble with the saw so my male friend recommended taking it to a small engine repair place. I seem to have this internal mindset that I need to be able to fix everything, but hey, I gave it a good try and it'll be a lot easier to just have an expert clean it up and I can be done with it.
Took my S18 and his buddy to a CO campus yesterday for a tour, admissions visit, etc. We had fun and I'm trying to just enjoy each of these moments with my kids thoroughly as it won't be long and he'll be off to college, and then my D is just a year behind. We have three varsity games this week and the team is still undefeated. D16 is taking tennis lessons 2x a week and hopefully will make the tennis team next month.
I have great kids. Smart, healthy, staying out of trouble. That sounds like bragging (a little bit!) but really just trying to count my blessings and appreciate the time we have together.
It's great that you've been spending time in nature. I also find that really healing. It sounds like you're doing great with GAL.
I'm really having trouble understanding the selfishness of the WAS in the separation process. As if trashing a marriage isn't enough .
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
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