Flushing the toxins from my life

[Awoken]

Surprisingly, she didn't seem to hone in on the custody of S7 as much as I was expecting, but rather on the "after 15 years together, what do I get?!" aspect.

CC, this sounds so familiar to me. I would be constantly surprised by this kind of stuff. And I think I still am. The thing is, when I look back at it all, I really SHOULDN'T have been surprised, since W has been relatively consistent. And I now understand this is part of her bi-polar thinking. And it causes her deep pain too, as well as the one's around her.

One day she says the children are the center of her life, and the next day she says she doesn't want to be a mother any more. It's understandable that we want to believe the better story. I wish I could remember the source, but I remember reading many times in interviews with bipolars that they even knowingly use this against their loved ones (with deep regret later!).

I can understand your empathy about her sitch, having to go to court without a lawyer. Still, her living up to the situation she has created is really the best thing for her. If she doesn't trust you to stand by your agreements, she will have to deal with that. It's not your concern, right?

You question how well you've done over the last three months? CC! Put this in better perspective. You've done very well, protecting the family. I'll reread your thread, but my impression is that you've done more than enough for her to trust you. Don't let your love of W cloud your understanding of yourself.

I'm absolutely TORN UP over this entire situation. I do love my W and I still want to work things out with her, but I also need to protect myself and S7.

yeah; this sucks. I'm with you here. I don't know if you have been following my sitch much, but the last month has had a lot of damage, and now W has filed for D. I've been thinking that if down the road she wanted to reconcile, that I would have a very difficult time deciding what to do, and would feel "TORN UP". It was strange to see the same words here.

One thing I know for sure, my old M is dead. It did not work, it was ultimately not good for my kids, for me, or for W. Anything new would have to be different.

Do you think this applies to you?