Please help! I have a Walk Away Wife...

[sandi2]

I do have another question as well...While I am giving her space and doing me she has expressed to me some things that make her feel loved and that she needs...Just little things like acts of service such as making the bed or cooking dinner when she is tied up or frustrated. Is it possible to do these things if done nonchalantly( I am really done with begging and will not ask for temp checks or affirmation) and still be able to remain cool and about me? I know she is watching my every move. She told me the other night she really wants to see consistency out of me. Would doing these little things slowly but surely hinder or help progress since she expressed these things?

If acts of service is her LL, then you jumping in to help with the chores should cause a positive affect.....even if she doesn't say anything. Those other things that are seen as "your" work around the home (yard, repairs, etc.) is expected and she doesn't consider those as being included in the acts of service for her. Acts of service is what you do to help her personally. Surprising her with cooking dinner or bringing her a class of ice tea are just a couple of examles.

Also can you explain more about the WAW hogwash?

Some of the board members refer to it as WAS script b/c after reading hundreds of these stories, you see how it appears all the WAW's have about the same lines they give her H's and it's just BS. That is why you aren't to put much stock into anything she says. She rewrites your history together (another symptom of the WAW) b/c she suddenly remembers it quite differently than you do.

She doesn't want you to do some of the fast changing you're doing b/c it confuses her. In other words, she thought she was done with the M and was finding things to justify her reasons for leaving where she might could live with the guilt.....but now you are making these great changes and she sees some things she didn't expect you to really do and she is surprised and now she is experiencing her emotions responding again....and it's confusing the heck out of her b/c she hasn't let go of OM.

Have you discussed any boundaries set for her where OM is concerned? B/c if you move back into the home and she's still having an A, she isn't going to continue to show you this positive side of her that you've been granted to see over the phone this week.

Don't act before you have it throurghly in place in your own mind. If you don't understand, ask the board......and especially before talking to W. Plan your boundaries where W & OM are concerned and what her consequenses will be if she does not respect those boundaries.

Also she says she is hoping to see me GAL so she can no I am over her. Then when she sees me doing it she gets mad and says she should have figured. What is that about?

This is typical "script" for the WAW. She doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to get their claws into you. The appropriate way to handle that is tune her out and if she says anything, reply with, "sorry you feel that way about it", and go continue GAL. Makes you more interesting in her eyes, and if you keep things somewhat vague....then it is mysterious and she will be drawn into that.

Wife called and asked if she could call me before she goes to bed...I am thinking of detaching some more and going ahead to sleep myself and missing the call...What do you guys think?

This was clearly her way of keeping tabs on "you". In order to stay detached, look mysterious, and GAL.....next time let her call go to VM, but don't promise her any nonsense of being there to get her bedtime call. Old trick! Say, "yeah, if you want to call when you start to bed, that's fine. Don't know if I'll be home but you can leave a message". Of course, she won't like that and will want to know what you'll be doing.....but you know what? You don't have to give her details about every little thing, now do ya?