Way to appologize, reconnect, hug, and hold tight. You did great!
Once the conversation gets too triggered on both sides, nobody is going to be listening well enough. You did the right thing by calming down and settling it afterward. We're not going to have perfect communication - the point is that you resolved it with love.
And yeah.... "It got quite heated. I am wondering if other piecers have a hard time with accepting your own failings when you are feeling so betrayed. I know I have made mistakes in our M, and none of them excuse his choice to have an A. He knows this too, and has said this, but I just couldn't hear that last night."
This is the hardest part for me right now. Walking the tightrope between admitting my failings and yet knowing that none of that excuses his behavior toward me (not much OP, more a lot of verbal/emotional abuse...not to mention moving out and filing for separation before having any MC).
But your H came back and said it was his guilt that was triggered and that is A GOOD THING - I'm looking forward to some of that myself someday! That means he IS taking responsibility and trying to have compassion for the pain he caused you. Sometimes if he feels too guilty he may lash out - it's par for the course. But you stopped the pattern and moved in a positive direction. Good work.
