What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Ready2Change]

Doc,

During this difficult time you will be faced with many choices. Things we tell you are from our experiences. We have hindsight. This will give you foresight.

You have a choice between reacting or responding. I feel it is always better to respond. That puts you in control. If you react, that puts her in control. Who do you want in control?

You have a choice between responding immediately or delaying your response. If you delay your response with "I need time to think about that"or better yet "mmmm". You can always come here for input. Then respond appropriately.

You have a choice on speaking or listening. Listening more and speaking less right now is important. Validate everything that comes out of WAS's mouth NO MATTER HOW CRAZY IT SOUNDS: "I am sorry you feel that the sun is green and the rain smells like fish".

[Ready2Change]

Questions I have for you:

How important is your relationship with your kids?

Are you ready to be full time "Mr Mom" 50% of the time?

What new parenting responsibilities will you have to take on?

The reason I ask these questions is that it is important to start setting precedence NOW. Start "Acting as if" you are already divorced and have the kids full time. When you are divorced and have the kids at the house, will you be "Hiding out" in your room? I was having "ball wars". I played with my kids. We were loud. It drove MsR2C crazy.......

If today were the last day you had with your kids, what would you be doing with them?

[Ready2Change]

Here is a little story:

I was meeting with one of my lawyers staff members. She asks me "Do you know what time it is?" I said "I think it is about 3:00".

She says "The correct answer to the question is either "YES" or "NO".


Lesson learned.

[NoLongerHere]

Tridoc - just chipping in some moral support. Crap, what a day. You're getting good advice. I went through a lot of the same thing - confronting, demanding her to move out (yeah, can't enforce it), etc. Crap, my W actually threatened to call the police once, totally ridiculous (and she admits that - was immediately embarrassed she said it). Tomorrow, go do some lawyer consultations. My wife tried the same thing - talk to my lawyer, we'll do this amicably. You can have your own lawyer and still do a collaborative divorce, if that's what you want to do. Hang in there, this is really really rough, but you will wake up tomorrow and keep trucking.

[12bar]

TriDoc

been off the boards for a while and getting caught up. So sorry about the turn of events but you sound really strong right now which is great. You are getting really good advice right now. You are strong, you will stay strong and not back down, you will direct that unconditional love to where it belongs....your kids. I think your wife knew she was busted (OM probably called her and filled her in) and she is running scared. She will have the Oh S&$t moment soon enough but your cool head will be way ahead of her.

Take care of yourself and your kids

[Sleepy]

R2C, and all......

The W went out and I had a great evening with the kids Yeah we played "ball wars". It was a blast and the kids loved it.

I am totally dark to her. I don't want to speak to her or even look at her. She is like "What's wrong?" Well, I am GAL now and I won't let her run over me.

My Dad died when I was a kid. Her Dad has been like a father to me. I respect him so much. I suppose I will miss my in laws a lot if this goes through. I have been confiding in him through the process and he knows we have been going trough a rough patch. He knows his daughter so well. Well, she checked my phone records and found out that we spoke today. "Did you tell my Dad?' I didn't answer. I just got up and left. She tried to grab me and pull that crap... "Don't you walk away when I'm speaking to you" That doesn't work anymore with me.

I think I heard her crying in her room but I'm not sure. Maybe the "Oh $hit moment" just happened.

[chatterbug]

No reason to stop that relationship Tridoc. Just be who you are. A good man. Father. Friend.

The rest will take care of itself between you two.

And yes I would tell him.

I would say your daughter is having an affair. I am trying to protect my family. I ask that you support our marriage. Support your daughter but do not support ADULTRY. I wish to remain friends for you have become a father to me. Support our marriage.

And then leave it at that.

Speak from the heart.

Take Care.

Try to get some sleep tonight.

It will be hard.

[Ready2Change]

...Yeah we played "ball wars". It was a blast and the kids loved it.

Glad you had fun. Some of my best memories. I was in the moment. Dinners and fun times. You have a choice to spend your money on your kids, or you spend it on legal fees. I had lots of fun with my kids (and still do )

I am totally dark to her. I don't want to speak to her or even look at her.

I remember those days. I can now look at MsR2C with a big smile, a gleeful look in my eye, and make any woman next to me laugh (not at her, but because I am an interesting funny guy).

I just got up and left. She tried to grab me and pull that crap... "Don't you walk away when I'm speaking to you" That doesn't work anymore with me.

Very nice!

[Ready2Change]

If you do have trouble sleeping, see your doc for sleeping pills.

Melatonin also helps.

[Ready2Change]

Are there things that you don't like about the interior decorating? You can calmly pack up some of the stuff and say. "I don't like this in my house."