Moving back in

[lea74]

DD, sorry to bug you but please can you have a quick look at my stitch. Your last advise was fantastic and I could do with a bit of help.

Thanks

[DDogs]

Un F'n believable

Tonight after dinner, I am sitting in the family room with the W and kids. The kids have no idea there is a meeting with the MC tomorrow night. I ask the W, "Is there something you'd like to mention to the kids tonight about tomorrow night?"

W looks blankly,, says "what?" I remind her about the MC and W responds, "Oh, Kids, do you remember the office where we took you a few months ago and waited while mom and dad talked?".. the kids nodded, "well, we have a meeting tomorrow at 7 at the same place for us all to go to."

I correct her and tell her its at 8, and she looks puzzled.. I tell her the appt is for 8.. She nods and says, whatever.

I am adamant that the W take responsibility for the arranging this meeting and I ask the W if she will make sure she gets the kids here, W replies, "no, I can't, you'll have to get them because I am helping host a jewelry party tomorrow night..,

I tell her "no, I can't I had to reschedule work to do this and you'll have to get them there",,, her reply, "Well, then lets reschedule"..WTF... I feel that our kids need some information regarding all that is going on and she wants to reschedule because of an f'n party?????

I can tell the effect of me packing her clothing is probably on her mind and this is why she's behaving like this....I tell her then she has to call the MC and reschedule because, I'm not paying for a late cancelled appt.. she calls and cancels. I then tell W she now has responsibility to tell the kids that we now are NOT having a meeting tomorrow.. so w calls the kids down and casually says, we'll have a new appt at a different time. The kids ask why and w says because of schedules... at this point Im super pissed and speak up and say "kids, mom has a party tomorrow that she'd chooses to go to instead, so we'll do this later in the week".

Now I can see a confused look on S15 face so, I go up to his room we sit down and I begin to explain to him whats going on. I tell him mom and dad are still having problems and the meetting was set up so mom could tell you all that she has seen a lawyer and has begun the divorce process from dad. I say this is what she chooses to do, I disagree, I believe that there are other ways to resolve this but, this is what mom has decided and I am obligated to go along with what happens in court.

I tell him that I love him very much and that I will be around for him and will always be his dad.. the only thing that will probably change is that he will spend some time with mom and then some time with dad... I ask if he has any questions, he replies, well were are we going to live and where will my stuff be? I tell him W and I will be living in different places, and the kids will spen equal time with each of us.. they will stay in the same school, he'll graduate from the same HS and then go on to college,,, that won't change... He is teary eyed as I am and we hug for a long time.... I remind him I love him, he tells me the same.... f the w,

I eventually go downstairs where the wife is smoking on the patio and I go to the door and tell her, she is a real sh!t and the absolute worst mom to these kids for doing this... W shrugs...

I am so sad, so hurt for my kids,, I cannot bear when it comes time to tell my D12/11.... F.F.F.F her, she can kiss my f'n ass for the sh!t that she has put me and now my kids thru,,, F'Her to f'n hell....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CityGirl]

I am shocked your W would blow off this appt. for a party?

I am sorry your children are confused. That is just terrible.

I would just keep away from your W because starting a conflict is not going to help your children.

(((hugs, dog))))

[Puppy Dog Tails]

[flowmom]

I'm so sorry to read that your W is making things more confusing for your children. They deserve really clear communication from their parents right now. I wish you the strength that you'll need to be there for them.

[Gnosis]

You played right into her hands and became the KISA again DDogs. You save her from the shame and embarrassment she was supposed to feel.

Don't do that anymore.

P.S. KISA = Knight in shining armor

[DDogs]

You played right into her hands and became the KISA again DDogs. You save her from the shame and embarrassment she was supposed to feel.

Don't do that anymore.

P.S. KISA = Knight in shining armor

Are you referring to me telling my S?.. W was unwilling to say anything to the kids, how can I force W to say something? I felt as a father, I needed to at least have a dad/son talk regarding what's going on..

GNOSIS: In your opinion, how would you have suggested that I handle this sitch tonight,,, I'm really at a loss.... this is just a very sad and frustrating time for me right now.

[Lotus]

DDogs,

S15 will tell his sisters what is going on in the family. Unlike adults, kids know there should be no secrets within the family. And your wife will likely seize the opportunity to accuse you of informing them wrongly and undermining her good efforts (hah!).

Personally, I told my kids right away, "Dad is leaving us." Yup. No sugar coating. And the inevitable happened. The kids all took sides. Or side. My side. Family against non-family. Did it make a difference? You bet it did!

So she will accuse you of setting the kids against her. Don't feel guilty. She had her chance. You were going to go along with her method and her timing. Until she blew it off. Not your fault. You don't believe in keeping secrets in a family. Not secrets that are anti-family. You are not her partner in this. You don't have to go along with her. But finish the job you started. Tell the girls. They already know.

[Dane]

I am confused what did DDogs do wrong? I thought he did well, other than say anything to the wife at the end.

I guess you veterans need to give us a 2X4.

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

My plan now is to do whatever I can to get my kids to the MC appt tonight. The MC has been very adamant that he will not either of us without the other there. Im going to explain to him that the W chose to go to her party rather than adress the need of the kids. I don't know when we can schedule another appt.

Im hoping he'll see me with the kids only... I cannot see waiting, I want a forum for the kids where the C can guide/assess their reactions, concerns... I cannot see the reasoning of the W decisions..