I see what you are saying WT but my statement though seeming to be a contradiction is not really. I do not want to move out, leave my kids, my house, my W. However a non physical roommate relationship with the woman I love is most definitely a deal breaker for me.
It’s not about "getting laid" as my W has told me it’s about having the complete emotional/ physical relationship that constitutes a marriage. It’s that feeling of oneness that you get only from the person that you are in love with. As I have told her or at least tried to explain to her. If I just wanted sex strictly for the sake of having sex I would have done it a long time ago but it would not meet my needs. Maybe in the short run but it would only be a temporary fix.
I suggested the trial separation not as a threat or a way to manipulate but as a way maybe to give us both space and time to think. Our emotion connection has grown in the last year, as she has said also, but my desire to be physical has also and hers has not. In the last month we have argued twice over it to the point that she has started to pull away.
I don't want that but I also cannot pretend that it does not bother me that I feel physically attracted to her but she does not to me. Like I said three years is a long time and as the emotional connection grows so does my frustration over the non physical aspect. That is where the pressure comes from. It’s not intentional but it’s there none the less.
She knows how I feel, she knows what I want but I am just not sure how to back off physically without backing off emotionally. It’s one in the same for me now when it comes to her. I did for a long time, there was no physical or emotional connection. I did it in order to work on myself, I needed to be unconnected to her. But as time went on and especially this last year we have gotten really close and now with having that emotional connection I desire the physical more than ever. It’s a catch 22 and it sucks.
I don’t want to hurt her or abandon her or anything like that but I also don’t want to keep fighting over it nor do I want to keep fighting my own feeling and desires. How do I balance that and not put pressure on her? That is really what it all boils down to. My inner turmoil over her wants and my wants at this particular moment not being the same.
AAHHH a shrink would have a field day with me. Hopefully that clears it up. Doesn’t solve anything though but your post does make me think, as always.
Keep the winter caots and hats out I am sure old man winter will hit us atleast one more time before spring comes.
