What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Sleepy]

I am rock solid. I am so dark right now I don't even acknowledge her.

I told the lawyer that I was not there by my own will. I just wanted to know legally why I couldn't kick her out.

I told the lawyer why I wanted her to leave. I told her I have a boundary which is that I will not live in an open marriage. If she wants to continue with this she should leave. I will not tolerate that in my household period!

She was trying to tell me my marriage is over and I need to go along with it. She just met me 15 minutes ago. Please!!!!

I am going to open another account and stop depositing my paycheck into the joint account. My W pays the bills, but that is going to stop now.

I wonder how she is going to pay that retainer????

[Ready2Change]

2x4's : BE THE ROCK. No woman is going to push you around. Why the F did you go to HER ATTORNEY?? Why are you arguing with her? Why are telling her attorney anything?

[CityGirl]

Chances are she will be getting the retainer from you. I bet she has her attny file a motion for immediate reimbursement of her legal fees. Of course you will not be doing that!

Get an attny ASAP and get a good one. You have all kinds of info about your W's attny, use it! Get to the courthouse and start researching what firms/attny's have whipped your W's attny in other cases (this is what I did!) then go retain the whippers Is your W stupid that she took you to her attny? My gosh!

Yes to getting your own account and paying the bills. Does she work? Sorry I did not read that far back. If she does not and you support her I would give her a super small "allowance" and you take care of the bills, shopping expenses and kids needs. Give her 5.00 week, lol! Be prepared to get hit with an emergency support motion.

[DDogs]

Tridoc,,, I'd secure your own attorney and I'd speak with him alone. I felt a great sense of calm after sitting and talking with mine and having the facts separated from my very active imagination.

This will help. you have to know the rules and regs to play in the game effectively. My W attorney told her all the things she wanted to hear to get business, mine told me the reality of the situation... I slept better that night.

[Ready2Change]

My A is the best in town and personal friend of my stepfather. W asked me not to use him.......My A controlled everything. W's A just followed him......

[robx]

So when she got home, I gathered up the kids and took them to a partners house. She was wondering what was up, but I think she knew. When I got home she told me that she had just been on the phone with her attorney. Attorney??Apparently she had an appointment with one tomorrow: A mediator ..... signs all over the office. “ The peaceful easy divorce” F*#k that $hit. No divorce is peaceful.

I sat her down and told her to grab a diet coke. I told her everything that RobX said and she told me that it was illegal for me to kick her out. She refused to leave. She made an appointment with the attorney that moment and I went along to meet her. I can’t kick her out legally at this moment.

She hired this woman, but I could tell that she was thinking the same thing that I was. You guys haven’t had counseling?

I sat there and told her the whole story. My W is destroying two families. I told her this. She wants what is best for the kids. I told her what is best for the kids. She sits there and tells me this is what is best. I told her “if the shoe was on the other foot I probably would be telling you the same thing”. Get real!

My wife wants me to go down peacefully. I’m not doing it. I’m hiring a bulldog. If this is what she wants I’m going to crush her and her little fantasy.

Currently, I can’t stand to look at her. She is the scum of the earth. I can’t see how she can make this peaceful for the kids and us with this behavior. What kind of message does this send?

So legally, I can’t kick her out. What do I do now!!!

Let her be and don't pursue her, following her and arguing with her is just going to show her that you care and right now you need to do the opposite, drop the rope, detach and don't do anything. In fact go totally dark, no communication with her whatsoever. If she brings up "what's best for the kids" at all, calmly remind her that flying off to phoenix for the weekend to hookup with the OM was not "in the best interests of the kids", a fact along with many others that you will provide to all the legal parties involved and then just walk away.

Seriously, no arguing, cooler/calmer heads always prevail, in fact make it like this is what you want and then continue on the original plan that was laid out for you, that's what got a rise out of her, that's what got her to pull you out in the hallway and discuss what you should & shouldn't be doing with regards to other women, remember the feelings you had when you found out when she was with the OM, you can give her a dose of her own medicine and she can be the judge on whether or not it tastes good.

You're good, in fact you're better than good, you're great. Don't fight for the marriage, don't pursue her, no gift giving, no talking about reconciling and making a great marriage - you just start doing your own thing and give her a taste of the real life, one that doesn't involve assistance from you and I know you don't need me to remind you but continue being the greatest dad on the planet to your kids, regardless of what your wife does, you control your actions and you will continue to be a great father always - this attitude has served me well to this day.

You have a backbone now, don't forget it, it will serve you well also.

[Greek]

So now you know who her atty is. Take City Girl's advice and find out who she has lost to - hire that guy...or gal. Think BULLDOG.

Good move on the money. W is SAHM so she depends on your income. Make sure every bill is paid by YOU. Make sure children have EVERYTHING they need and some wants. Get W's fingers out of the cookie jar. Give her - grocery money and an allowance to keep her hair cut. That's about it.

Take her off any credit accts that YOU pay for. A MUST.

What's the cell phone sitch? You pay for that? Turn texting off. She just needs a basic plan to keep in touch with the kids.

Any of these things she doesn't like, she should feel free to pay for herself. You are not funding her new way of life.

So what did she say about OM?

Greek

[Ready2Change]

Doc,

Read this:


How to tell the kids

You need set lots of boundaries with W about telling the kids. My wife just blurted it out without any discussion.

"I will not tolerate any lies to our kids"

[Ready2Change]

Robx is dead nuts on.

Everything all at once. Do not let is slowly change.

THE FANTASY IS OVER.

Calmly respond to this by moving her Kick her out of the master bedroom. NOW!!!! Keep making it more your room.

[DDogs]

Chances are she will be getting the retainer from you. I bet she has her attny file a motion for immediate reimbursement of her legal fees. Of course you will not be doing that!

Get an attny ASAP and get a good one. You have all kinds of info about your W's attny, use it! Get to the courthouse and start researching what firms/attny's have whipped your W's attny in other cases (this is what I did!) then go retain the whippers Is your W stupid that she took you to her attny? My gosh!

Yes to getting your own account and paying the bills. Does she work? Sorry I did not read that far back. If she does not and you support her I would give her a super small "allowance" and you take care of the bills, shopping expenses and kids needs. Give her 5.00 week, lol! Be prepared to get hit with an emergency support motion.

TRIDOC, not an expert by any stretch but, by both of you seeing her L and discussing sensitive issues, that may disqualify her L from representing her (or you)because now of a conflict of interest,, her atty has disclosing info from you that can be used against you... might be worth checking into..