I just don't see the absolute need for the "find an official label" stage. I believe in trying to approach other people in your life from the perspective of, "They are probably doing to best they can with the mental and emotional tools at their command to protect themselves on some level, not deliberately going out of their way to hurt me. Whether or not I understand all the underlying mechanisms, it does make sense on some level."
If that's your default position, you don't need concepts like MLC, bipolar, bulimia, schizophrenia, PTSD, madonna/whore, ACOA, etc etc etc to rationalize and/or validate your compassion and understanding.
Makes sense. Damn hard to do though, especially in the midst of a nasty divorce!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
